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Monday, March 14, 2011

Do or die: Holding onto your Mojo

Picture, if you will, a teenage kid who thinks he has it all figured out. As well as any 16-year-old kid can have it figured out, anyway. Guy is playing sports year-round, makes honor roll consistently and doesn’t really have too much to worry about in life. He’s fairly popular, not because he dresses the best or is the star quarterback, but mainly since he’s well-liked and doesn’t have too many enemies. He doesn’t necessarily have to “beat the ladies off with a stick” like his mom would say, but there’s no shortage of girls interested.

The kid eventually does start dating a girl pretty seriously. This girl, we’ll call her Lisa, had her eye on him from a distance for a couple of years. She’s shy and unassuming, and probably overlooked because though cute, she doesn’t have or go for the “flash” factor seen by some of the more popular girls in the school. He likes this. Lisa was something like a diamond in the rough to him. She had some quality to her and was a refreshing break from the norm.

Early on in their relationship, it was clear that Lisa “looked up” to the boy in a sense. When she first revealed her crush, it was more along the lines of wanting to get it off her chest than anything, since she figured he wouldn’t feel the same. She was the first to say “I love you,” and when he said it back, she told him he didn’t have to say it just because she did (i.e. “I don’t believe you, you need more people”). When they really developed a connection for each other, she’d make little comments like “I love you more than I love myself (should have been a red flag).

The kid didn’t take these little moments too well. His self-esteem was as high as it could be without teetering on cocky, but he didn’t feel like anything special to the extent that she did. Hey, he was just a regular ass kid trying to make it like anyone else, right?

Fast forward some and Lisa is a lot more comfortable with the relationship. The boyfriend loves the fact that he has someone so close to him, so he lets his guard down and it’s a downright lovefest. He’s proud of her. He’s proud of them.

Throughout the course of their relationship Lisa’s confliction grows. “I love him, I really do,” she thinks, “But how do I know there’s nothing else out there?” What initially felt like an honor became a burden. She grows confused and unsettled as his girlfriend, while he grows as comfortable as imaginable. Sheeeeit, why shouldn’t he be? They’re going to get married some day. Matter of fact, once they both got accepted to the same college, his mind was made up, no need to look further.

Then there was the breakup. The little nuances up to this point were just moments that would surface once every blue moon. The breakup was the catalyst in a series of reactions that would change the dynamic of their relationship from that point forward. They were broken up for only about a week, which happened to coincide with college spring break (probably another red flag). After a week of heartache for him, they got back to school, took things slow (ha!) and were back together by that Monday.

The damage was done. Maybe I’ll tell the rest of this story some day, but I’ll summarize the point and moral of the story. After breaking up and getting back together, now he was the admirer and she was the one on the pedestal. He felt better about himself because he gave her a “stern lecture” prior to telling her he’d take her back, basically saying that if she wants back in, she has to mean it, and he won’t go through that again. He meant everything he said, but basically his laying down the law was more of a way to make himself feel better about punking out than anything. At this point he was chasing the feeling, because he had grown comfortable and had put some stock in his future with her, so he could overlook her indiscretions if it’d stop the hurt that comes along with a breakup.

In the process of all of this, and unbeknownst to him, Lisa had stolen his mojo. He went from the All-American Boy with options to a guy that got rejected, hurt for a week, and said “Yes ma’am, I’ll have another,” by taking her back. With Judah writing about the flow of energy recently, I thought this story was a good example and something to build on.

Whenever anybody comes into your life, energy is given and taken. If you lose sight of yourself it’s easy to be sucked dry. In this case, the boy had a lot of mojo going into the relationship. He allowed someone in his life that (whether intentionally or unintentionally) stole that mojo. Lisa got a boost from the energy of the relationship, but in the process the boy didn’t get that same energy back from her, so he was left deflated. The tables turned something vicious.
When people come into your life, be it love interests, business interests or friends, this constant exchange of energy is inevitable. You become whoever you’re close to, for better or worse. In this story, he became the one seeking her approval, and she became the one with the options.
When you love, love sincerely and give someone your heart. When you do business, give someone your energy and hard work. When you have friends, give them your time and attention. Never give anybody your mojo.


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