A "Keep it fresh" tip

By Samson

Do something different. Seriously, such a small step goes a long way. I'm not even just talking romantic or sexual. Sometimes in relationships, especially when you're married or living together, you get comfortable and everything becomes "business as usual."

This is counterproductive to generating lust because women crave excitement. The longer you've been together, the more she's used to your catch phrases, jokes, responses to certain situations and overall demanor. Why not mix it up a little? If you want to reach new levels you can't be afraid to branch out of your comfort zone. It's like a video game. You get to a certain point where you're conquering and life is good. After a while, you face new challenges and your powers because useless against your new challenges.

So what do you do? Find new weapons and armor, new abilities and new tricks to get past your obstacles. In this case, your obstacle is a bored wife. If your caveman joke followed my a slap on the butt worked two years ago, it's probably not going to hold the test of time forever. In fact, she might be so sick of it that it's now become a turnoff. 


You need to treat yourself like a comedian. You know your audience (your wife), so start trying new material to see what sticks. It doesn't have to be anything incredibly elaborate.

If your response to "Hey, how's your day going?" is always "Fine," change that. If you're always on the couch watching ESPN when she gets home, change that. DVR the show and be gone when she gets home (gym, jogging, bar, library, wherever). When she shoots you a text, don't respond. Just show up at home an hour or two later than usual (don't overdo it and create a reason for her to be worried), and walk in the house smiling like nothing happened. If nothing else, you've just created a new topic to be discussed.

The bottom line is, you need to adapt once your woman has figured you out. And she WILL figure you out if she hasn't already. The chase of figuring out your new order of operations can be exciting and intriguing, which fires off those "he's not boring" receptors in her brain, which allows her to remain excited and open.

Not long ago, my wife said something that was innocent but could be turned sexual if your mind is in the gutter. I could have responded with one of my typical jokes or a lame "That's what she said!" but that'd be predictable. I don't remember what my response was, but it was CREATIVE and flirty. Her big smile said it all. She even took it a step further and encouraged me to fire off responses like that more often. Why? Because it was a break from the norm and excited her. +PQ indeed.

Try some stuff out and don't get your feelings hurt if things don't work. If you try a joke and get mad at her for not responding the way you want then you've just negated any PQ that you would have gained anyway. Take responsibility for keeping things fresh in your relationship. If you lead, she'll follow.

The emotional man double standard

By Samson

We touched on the most popular double standard between men and women not long ago, but how about when it leans in the woman's favor? Yes ladies, some things do swing your way.

I remember a while ago my wife came upon a bunch of unforseen expenses all at once. Needless to say, it was a stressful time. I knew eventually we'd see our way out of the hole, but it would take some sacrifice and we were going to have go through some bad times before the good showed up.

Now I have a very relaxed demeanor, so my jokes tend to get lost in translation sometimes. This particular time, the joke wasn't caught, nor was it funny... Why? Because I'm a man.

Samson: I don't know what we're going to do... *Said in playful mock sadness/desperation*

Wife: What?! Don't say that!

Samson: Huh?

Wife: *Goes into panic mode and talks about how we have to be positive*

Now this is what I mean. In addition to my day job and side endeavors, my other occupation is full-time husband. A good percentage of my husband duty is to be a shoulder to cry on and ear to complain to, all the while going against my natural instinct and remembering the unwritten rules:

1. Don't fix her problems for her

2. Let her vent without interjecting too much solution oriented conversation

3. Just listen

This set of rules makes zero sense to me, but as a husband (and I'm sure other husbands or long-time boyfriends can vouch), I had to learn that it's the reality of surviving life with a woman. Be the rock without being the fixer. It's not right or wrong, it just is.

On to that double standard part...

So I'm faced with a crisis, and when I "break character" and so much as JOKE about showing my weakness, I'm not allowed. It's not fair, but neither is life. But let's break down what really happened.

She got upset not because I showed weakness (though it was supposed to be a joke...), she got mad because I showed weakness when it was time for me to be the man. All men, women and children have weak moments. But because she perceived me to be having one at that moment, she panicked. You can't have two people freaking out at the same time. She was worried, so when she thought I was just as worried or worst, MORE worried, it scared the Bejeesus out of her. So she "whipped me into shape" and back into my default role.

So the golden double standard rule of the day is that a man is allowed to have weak moments, but not nearly as often as your woman, and not when it counts.

In my relationship, I share feelings, cry and vent when I feel the need, but that ratio has to be about 1 time for every 50 times she does. It's not because I'm trying to "be a man" or play tough, I just naturally don't have those needs as often as she does. Most men are this way.

So while women "aren't allowed" to slut it up and retain the same level of attractiveness, a man isn't allowed to be as emotionally needy (for lack of a better term) as the average woman. Neither of these are fair, but they're reality.

Only women are allowed to be indecisive

By Samson

If you're a halfway decent guy, you've been in a position where a woman has deferred to you our sought your opinion or guidance on a particular matter. In the scope of a relationship, these decisions serve a greater purpose than just getting something done or offering an opinion, they're essential building blocks to establishing and maintaining PQ.

If your girlfriend or wife has ever asked for your opinion on something with big, semi-dialated eyes, frozen in place awaiting the pearls of wisdom that will surely sprout from your mouth, and you just shrugged and said "I don't know" or "That's a tough one. What do you think?"--congratulations, you failed miserably. Stay on the line to collect your prize of being an unopinionated chump with a lack of direction. That's harsh, but in those moments, she's placing high value on your thought process as the man of the house/relationship, so it's important that you show her what you're made of.

This doesn't mean every single time she asks you a question the fate of your relationship hangs in the balance... But when these "Lead me please" moments occur, it's important to step up to the plate.

Women are naturally submissive. If you have faith in an Abrahamic religion, the reason for women's submission may be because Eve bit the apple. If you're a pragmatist, you may say this reason lies in the way women have been socialized in society. No matter how you slice it, the most powerful, educated woman wants a man to take control in certain situations and is often happy to defer to her mate in certain situations. It's the reason they want to get rich but still have a man that can take care of them (not just talking financial). It's the reason moms all over tell their kids to "Ask your dad," in situations where a request may not jibe with the rules of the household. It's certainly not because men are smarter than women; females have increasingly proven themselves to be quick learners in the classroom and attend college at a drastically higher rate than their male counterparts. It's simply nature.

So in essence, calling shots is a way to build attraction in the eyes of your woman. It's what she wants you to do, and she takes joy in fulfilling her role while allowing you to fulfill yours. If you strip away the clothes, perfumes, material items and "'game", just having an environment where a man is being a "man" and a woman is being a "woman" is enough to build sexual attraction and tension. Even though you're just living your life, it's almost as if you're characters in a play, playing out your roles until the exciting conclusion. Fulfilling these roles on a consistent basis is an act of foreplay.

Picture this. You get home from work, decked out in your business clothes and toss your stuff aside [+PQ, man points for your Alpha male clothes and a succesful day at work]. Your wife got off a little earlier than you and is just relaxing, reading a book, watching TV whatever. You give her a quick kiss and ask her how her day was. She tells you, but something is on her mind. She's indecisive on something and wants your opinion. It's one of those wide-eyed, "I really want to know what you think" moments (see above).

You, (decked out in your Alpha man gear of course) answer the question authoratively, making sure not to give wishy washy answers. Even if parts of the answer aren't something she would totally agree with, you give your opinion, allowing her to use it how she will. She values and respects your answer [+PQ]. She respects your opinion and shows that you helped her out, and compliments you on your insight [+Woman points, hey we all need ego boosts, right?]. Another quick kiss, and you playfully demand some type of dinner. "How bout steak?", "You can repay me by feeding me," ... whatever. She complies. [+PQ, playfulness, making a request like a man instead of asking like a child].

You head off to change out of your work clothes as she goes to the kitchen to start preparing something [+Woman points. Men and women can be equally good cooks, but cooking something for a man is a gesture]. You come out as she's cooking (in your boxers) and pull the move every married/man living with his woman NEEDS to know... You come up behind her while she's cooking and press yourself against her, give her a few soft kisses on the neck and cheek, and (with some bass on your voice) say something along the lines of "Man, this smells good....", followed by another kiss if you'd like. [+++++++++PQ!!!!!!! You're not complimenting the food, you're really complimenting her worth as a woman] and [+Woman points, she's showing some ability and is doing a good job of preparing something nourishing for you, her man].

You give her a swift, playful smack her on the butt [+PQ, another very important man move, flirtatious, establishes dominance and is playful] and go about your business. [+PQ for going about your business, not smothering her and giving space to allow the tension to build]. A delicious dinner, some wine perhaps, and some laughs later, how do you think the night will end?

You didn't spend a bunch of money. You didn't wine and dine her with flowers or candy. You established yourself as a man by giving an honest answer, and built on it. All the extracuriccular is nice, but when in doubt, be a man and the rest will follow.

Conquer life, conquer the Vajayjay

By Samson
Males are born with the insatiable desire to conquer things... It's just in us. Whether it's sports, business, goals, or women--this testosterone driven desire to "own" something makes us who we are. In earlier times, you had the kill of the day to squelsh this hunger to dominate.

We've evolved, but this need is still ingrained in us and manifests itself in projects and goals--fixing your car, toying with your motorcycle, going to the gun range, getting that promotion, making a killing off of a hot investment, etc. Not only do these conquests make you a better, more well-rounded person, they're necessary for fostering and KEEPING attraction during the human mating process. It's been scientifically proven that the go-getter with various projects to take on is likely to have higher testosterone levels than the guy who's content living in his mother's basement and playing Madden for hours.

Can you still get women and have a relationship living like the second guy? Sure. Can you get quality women by living like that guy? Debatable.

This isn't to say you have to walk around in Armani suits acting like you're living like an Entourage character, but it does mean that tapping into that innate manly need to go conquer the hell out of something is as important today as it was in the hunter-gatherer days. When you strip ANY aspect of dating and sex down to a pure survival level, you get this; Man (provider, protector, leader, backbone), Woman (nurturer, supporter, caretaker), etc. Displays that shows these traits will attract you to one another.

The guy with his stuff together and a clear vision shows the qualities of a protector and a leader. The woman that can cook and carry fabulous conversations with you shows that she can nourish the household and provide a place of comfort for her man when he comes home.

If you want to elevate your PQ, BE this guy, don't act like this guy. Show some interest in yourself. Make sure you're on your A-Game professionally and carve out clear visions for where you see your life going. Embrace your hobbies, not just the fun ones, but activities that are useful life skills. Becoming a better man, and having the drive to continuously conquer and improve is guaranteed PQ. And you won't have to walk around with a list of certifications or things you just accomplished, women will smell it on you.

They're very perceptive and can sniff out the weak man with no vision and that can't protect them. It's sexually attractive because sex is how we keep the population going on Earth, and showing these basic evolutionary traits (survival of the fittest) makes you the perfect suitor for a woman to want to mate with.

A woman said it herself in a song some years back, "Ambition makes me so horny..."

Go out and be a man and conquer the hell out of something.

PQ Move of the Week

By Samson

If you've read the post about PQ, you understand it's importance. Well whenever we find someone who makes a noteworthy "man move," we like to salute them on 2 Cent Tab. I introduce to you our first "PQ Move of the Week" recipient, a poster on the Loveshack.org forums.

The poster has been messing around with a new lady friend, and knew recently that it was going to go all the way. He gave himself an edge by using "performance enhancing drugs," so that he knew for sure he'd be on top of his game. It started as an experiment, and you can read for yourself whether that expirement was a success of failure.

You, sir, are a winner. We salute you:

This post is for those that have wondered about the effects of those ED pills commonly advertised. I ran a field experiment, of sorts, on the new girl friend this evening. She and I had never had sex prior to tonight, and she DID NOT know I used a "supplement". Here's my story :


So about 15 months ago I was still married and I thought I'd surprise my now ex wife by experimenting (on her) with levitra - I told my doctor I was curious and he said that many of his patients around my age (27 at the time) were as well, so he wrote me a script for 6, 10mg levitra pills - he referred to these as "test pills".


Shortly after acquiring the test pills, I discovered my ex wife was having an affair (...which absolutely explained her decreased desire to get intimate) and we broke up in the following months. Needless to say, I never got to use one of the pills; I took them with me when I left her skank ass. haha.


Fast forward to two weeks ago. By that time, I had long forgot I had the pills, but coincidentally I was making great progress with a girl I've been seeing for a month now. We had not had sex yet, but a steady base-by-base progression was the norm each weekend.


Last week she was over and while we were fooling around in front of my TV, there came the commercial... "ask your doctor if cialis is right for you..." BOOM, I recalled everything instantly. It was my time. I could finally complete the experiment I so wanted to complete back in 2010.


Fast forward to tonight. We had dinner, drinks, things went well and when we went back to my place, I knew we were headed towards the sack (the progression from weeks past left nothing else to explore except sex). As usual, I told her to make herself comfortable, then I immediately excused myself and took 20mg of levitra in the restroom.


Okay... so I know the stuff is suppose to take 30 minutes to an hour to kick in, but, uhh... no; at least, not for me. Perhaps I was over excited that the day finally came to complete my experiment, who knows...


In any event, about 10 minutes after taking the pills, she sparked up a conversation, using mild innuendo here and there and that was enough to cause a noticeable bulge going on under my jeans. From that point we began making out and fooling around. I have to admit, I felt a bit light headed, and my vision was a liiiiiiiiiitle foggy, nothing too crazy, but clearly I was under the influence of something.


Fast forward to the bedroom. Nothing out of the ordinary at first; things were functioning great; she was enjoying herself as was I, then it hit me: I really need to turn up the heat and see what I can do on this stuff. Again, this was the first time we've ever had sex - so I had to let her know I meant business. It got totally rockstar up in there.


See, the thing is gentlemen, you can climax if you like, but guess what...? from a functionality standpoint, you're still ready to rock, and that's exactly what happened. Needless to say this is the part that really got me excited (as I don't think she reached orgasm at that point). I simply switched condoms and the war raged on.


Now here's the coolest part: she knew that I climaxed already, so when I almost immediately came back for more, she was stunned. The look on her face was like, wow, who is this guy??


So turning things off was difficult, but only when in a sexual environment. We had sex for about 2 hours, back to back - round 1 was maybe 30 minutes (wasn't really keeping track), but the second set was definitely longer. I assume she climaxed somewhere between screams. If she wasn't faking those screams, I'm certain she climaxed.


Afterward we held each other, talked a bit and eventually we got dressed. Interestingly enough, as I walked across the room to grab my clothes, guess what? Yeah, I was still pitching a tent. I had to put my underwear on in a way that "restrained myself" so that I wouldn't look crazy as I walked her to her car.


Fortunately it didn't come to that. Like I said earlier, outside of a sexually charged environment, things fall back to normal; at least down there.


Anyway, the date ended and I was a stud. Could I have been a stud w/o the pills? Well, I would have been good, sure; but I wouldn't have been able to get busy back-to-back and I doubt she would have reached climax through penetration only.


About an hour after things were all said and done, I did experience a bit of a headache. Nothing major, but certainly sort of annoying. It's listed as one of the drugs side effects. blah.


Would I do it again? I sure would, only if it was a first time having sex thing. Maybe there's a bit of the placebo effect worked in to the experience, but after taking it you just feel like you're going to rock her socks off. Maybe it's not so much the pills, as it is your attitude going into things. Either way, the pills definitely created a situation where we could have kept things going for longer than we did, no problem.


This is why I would use them again for first time sex. First time sex are the try outs for future sex. In this man's humble opinion, if you rock her socks THE FIRST TIME, then you're in. I believe this worked well for me tonight.


I'm putting the rest of these babies away until the next girl friend.
Fin.

Do or die: Holding onto your Mojo

By Samson

Picture, if you will, a teenage kid who thinks he has it all figured out. As well as any 16-year-old kid can have it figured out, anyway. Guy is playing sports year-round, makes honor roll consistently and doesn’t really have too much to worry about in life. He’s fairly popular, not because he dresses the best or is the star quarterback, but mainly since he’s well-liked and doesn’t have too many enemies. He doesn’t necessarily have to “beat the ladies off with a stick” like his mom would say, but there’s no shortage of girls interested.

The kid eventually does start dating a girl pretty seriously. This girl, we’ll call her Lisa, had her eye on him from a distance for a couple of years. She’s shy and unassuming, and probably overlooked because though cute, she doesn’t have or go for the “flash” factor seen by some of the more popular girls in the school. He likes this. Lisa was something like a diamond in the rough to him. She had some quality to her and was a refreshing break from the norm.

Early on in their relationship, it was clear that Lisa “looked up” to the boy in a sense. When she first revealed her crush, it was more along the lines of wanting to get it off her chest than anything, since she figured he wouldn’t feel the same. She was the first to say “I love you,” and when he said it back, she told him he didn’t have to say it just because she did (i.e. “I don’t believe you, you need more people”). When they really developed a connection for each other, she’d make little comments like “I love you more than I love myself (should have been a red flag).

The kid didn’t take these little moments too well. His self-esteem was as high as it could be without teetering on cocky, but he didn’t feel like anything special to the extent that she did. Hey, he was just a regular ass kid trying to make it like anyone else, right?

Fast forward some and Lisa is a lot more comfortable with the relationship. The boyfriend loves the fact that he has someone so close to him, so he lets his guard down and it’s a downright lovefest. He’s proud of her. He’s proud of them.

Throughout the course of their relationship Lisa’s confliction grows. “I love him, I really do,” she thinks, “But how do I know there’s nothing else out there?” What initially felt like an honor became a burden. She grows confused and unsettled as his girlfriend, while he grows as comfortable as imaginable. Sheeeeit, why shouldn’t he be? They’re going to get married some day. Matter of fact, once they both got accepted to the same college, his mind was made up, no need to look further.

Then there was the breakup. The little nuances up to this point were just moments that would surface once every blue moon. The breakup was the catalyst in a series of reactions that would change the dynamic of their relationship from that point forward. They were broken up for only about a week, which happened to coincide with college spring break (probably another red flag). After a week of heartache for him, they got back to school, took things slow (ha!) and were back together by that Monday.

The damage was done. Maybe I’ll tell the rest of this story some day, but I’ll summarize the point and moral of the story. After breaking up and getting back together, now he was the admirer and she was the one on the pedestal. He felt better about himself because he gave her a “stern lecture” prior to telling her he’d take her back, basically saying that if she wants back in, she has to mean it, and he won’t go through that again. He meant everything he said, but basically his laying down the law was more of a way to make himself feel better about punking out than anything. At this point he was chasing the feeling, because he had grown comfortable and had put some stock in his future with her, so he could overlook her indiscretions if it’d stop the hurt that comes along with a breakup.

In the process of all of this, and unbeknownst to him, Lisa had stolen his mojo. He went from the All-American Boy with options to a guy that got rejected, hurt for a week, and said “Yes ma’am, I’ll have another,” by taking her back. With Judah writing about the flow of energy recently, I thought this story was a good example and something to build on.

Whenever anybody comes into your life, energy is given and taken. If you lose sight of yourself it’s easy to be sucked dry. In this case, the boy had a lot of mojo going into the relationship. He allowed someone in his life that (whether intentionally or unintentionally) stole that mojo. Lisa got a boost from the energy of the relationship, but in the process the boy didn’t get that same energy back from her, so he was left deflated. The tables turned something vicious.

When people come into your life, be it love interests, business interests or friends, this constant exchange of energy is inevitable. You become whoever you’re close to, for better or worse. In this story, he became the one seeking her approval, and she became the one with the options.

When you love, love sincerely and give someone your heart. When you do business, give someone your energy and hard work. When you have friends, give them your time and attention. Never give anybody your mojo.

Don't be afraid of your woman

By Samson
It's better to speak your mind and agree to disagree than to be her little "yes man."

Don't pick fights, but if you have an opinion, SPEAK ON IT. The last thing you want to do is be the guy who does everything in his power to avoid conflict--all this will do is make her resent you. It's like you're afraid of her. In her mind she thinks, "If he's afraid of me, or can't handle me, how can he protect me from anything?"

When it gets to this point your woman will start picking at you and testing you to see how you respond. That's a bad place to be in. A little healthy conflict means there is energy in your relationship. Energy can be a good thing depending on how you use it. Judah touched on this a little earlier with: Let's Build: The flow of energy.

Standing your ground in the midst of conflict can create admiration, because she knows you're not a punk. That energy from the conflict, mixed with admiration, or PQ, can lead to, you guessed it, make up sex.

Now bad energy can screw you over in a relationship if you let the balance fall out of whack. I'll touch on that in a post tomorrow. Til then, ya'll be good.

The rules of attraction: Understanding PQ

By Samson

I was at a house party one Friday night this past Summer chatting it up with a friend (female) of the host. It was a pretty decent gathering of friends--iPod on blast, plenty of drinks flowing and as much finger food as you could stomach. Since it was one of those calm summer nights, everyone was feeling pretty good at this point because there was no shortage of alcohol and the overall vibe just lent itself to good feelings. One of my closest friends I've made since moving out here a couple of years ago had pretty strong feelings for the girl I was chatting with, and they've had some close encounters, but he's pretty much found himself in the "Friend Zone." (I gave my thoughts on the myth of the dreaded "Friend Zone" in a previous post: Animal Instincts)

When I brought this up to her (everyone knew about it), the drunken explanation she gave still stands out to me because of how prolific it was.

"He's the perfect guy. He's smart, he's nice, but he doesn't have pounce quality and that's important to me..." she said.

Pounce quality. We talked about this for a little bit, and in so many words, she said that pounce quality is the characteristics a guy has, physical or otherwise, that bring her to the point where she wants to jump on him National Geographic-style and go at it. My friend is college educated, hilarious, makes decent money and is just an all-around good guy. But because he lacks the qualities that make her horny enough to want to make a move on HIM, she feels like she's selling herself short.

After this conversation, PQ became the catch phrase among my circle of friends when offering him advice on how to break out of the teddy bear mold.

Attraction is real people. Sure, we want someone we get along with and all that good stuff, but it's criminal to downplay sex and sexual attraction in terms of human relationships. PQ means different things for different women. For some it may be an attitude (confidence is pretty much a universally attractive trait to women), for others it may be something physical. Like us, most women probably like a little mix of both. Whatever these traits are, don't downplay them in YOUR relationship. You can be Mr. Teddy Bear all you want, and it's definitely important to fulfill those needs. But when she's in the mood and has one toy to choose from, she'll be looking for something a little harder than a teddy bear, if you follow me.

Since I’m a husband, I’m speaking in terms of marriage, but it applies to all relationships. I think a lot of marriage advice material out there totally disregards the fact that women get horny too. Like sexual desire is that thing husbands have while the wholesome-minded wife is an innocent bystander. Please.

Learn your woman. Learn what PQ is to her. Mine enjoys seeing me with a fresh barber shave, nice clothes and some nice muscle definition. So what do I do? Take my happy butt to the barbershop, switch up the outfits and buy new ones when I can and go to the gym so I don't start looking like Larry Holmes, flabby and sick.

Outside of the physical, know what personality traits attracted her to you in the first place. Among my circle of friends, when one of us makes a "man move" in the presence of a woman, we crack a joke about gaining PQ-- ("+37 PQ" "Your PQ is through the roof," etc.). At the same time, when someone emasculates himself to the point that he may as well put on a tutu and pour jelly on himself, that's negative PQ baby.

PQ. Live it. Learn it. Love it.