Old cat or new tricks?

By Samson

A sexuality counseler and New York Times bestselling author breaks down the benefits of "comfort sex" or sex in a monogamous relationship. I've had plenty of conversations and know the pros and cons of being monogamous vs. "new pussy." I think the author does a great job of explaining why it's best in most cases to work on your chemistry with one woman:

CNN - The Joy of Comfort Sex

A "Keep it fresh" tip

By Samson

Do something different. Seriously, such a small step goes a long way. I'm not even just talking romantic or sexual. Sometimes in relationships, especially when you're married or living together, you get comfortable and everything becomes "business as usual."

This is counterproductive to generating lust because women crave excitement. The longer you've been together, the more she's used to your catch phrases, jokes, responses to certain situations and overall demanor. Why not mix it up a little? If you want to reach new levels you can't be afraid to branch out of your comfort zone. It's like a video game. You get to a certain point where you're conquering and life is good. After a while, you face new challenges and your powers because useless against your new challenges.

So what do you do? Find new weapons and armor, new abilities and new tricks to get past your obstacles. In this case, your obstacle is a bored wife. If your caveman joke followed my a slap on the butt worked two years ago, it's probably not going to hold the test of time forever. In fact, she might be so sick of it that it's now become a turnoff. 


You need to treat yourself like a comedian. You know your audience (your wife), so start trying new material to see what sticks. It doesn't have to be anything incredibly elaborate.

If your response to "Hey, how's your day going?" is always "Fine," change that. If you're always on the couch watching ESPN when she gets home, change that. DVR the show and be gone when she gets home (gym, jogging, bar, library, wherever). When she shoots you a text, don't respond. Just show up at home an hour or two later than usual (don't overdo it and create a reason for her to be worried), and walk in the house smiling like nothing happened. If nothing else, you've just created a new topic to be discussed.

The bottom line is, you need to adapt once your woman has figured you out. And she WILL figure you out if she hasn't already. The chase of figuring out your new order of operations can be exciting and intriguing, which fires off those "he's not boring" receptors in her brain, which allows her to remain excited and open.

Not long ago, my wife said something that was innocent but could be turned sexual if your mind is in the gutter. I could have responded with one of my typical jokes or a lame "That's what she said!" but that'd be predictable. I don't remember what my response was, but it was CREATIVE and flirty. Her big smile said it all. She even took it a step further and encouraged me to fire off responses like that more often. Why? Because it was a break from the norm and excited her. +PQ indeed.

Try some stuff out and don't get your feelings hurt if things don't work. If you try a joke and get mad at her for not responding the way you want then you've just negated any PQ that you would have gained anyway. Take responsibility for keeping things fresh in your relationship. If you lead, she'll follow.

The emotional man double standard

By Samson

We touched on the most popular double standard between men and women not long ago, but how about when it leans in the woman's favor? Yes ladies, some things do swing your way.

I remember a while ago my wife came upon a bunch of unforseen expenses all at once. Needless to say, it was a stressful time. I knew eventually we'd see our way out of the hole, but it would take some sacrifice and we were going to have go through some bad times before the good showed up.

Now I have a very relaxed demeanor, so my jokes tend to get lost in translation sometimes. This particular time, the joke wasn't caught, nor was it funny... Why? Because I'm a man.

Samson: I don't know what we're going to do... *Said in playful mock sadness/desperation*

Wife: What?! Don't say that!

Samson: Huh?

Wife: *Goes into panic mode and talks about how we have to be positive*

Now this is what I mean. In addition to my day job and side endeavors, my other occupation is full-time husband. A good percentage of my husband duty is to be a shoulder to cry on and ear to complain to, all the while going against my natural instinct and remembering the unwritten rules:

1. Don't fix her problems for her

2. Let her vent without interjecting too much solution oriented conversation

3. Just listen

This set of rules makes zero sense to me, but as a husband (and I'm sure other husbands or long-time boyfriends can vouch), I had to learn that it's the reality of surviving life with a woman. Be the rock without being the fixer. It's not right or wrong, it just is.

On to that double standard part...

So I'm faced with a crisis, and when I "break character" and so much as JOKE about showing my weakness, I'm not allowed. It's not fair, but neither is life. But let's break down what really happened.

She got upset not because I showed weakness (though it was supposed to be a joke...), she got mad because I showed weakness when it was time for me to be the man. All men, women and children have weak moments. But because she perceived me to be having one at that moment, she panicked. You can't have two people freaking out at the same time. She was worried, so when she thought I was just as worried or worst, MORE worried, it scared the Bejeesus out of her. So she "whipped me into shape" and back into my default role.

So the golden double standard rule of the day is that a man is allowed to have weak moments, but not nearly as often as your woman, and not when it counts.

In my relationship, I share feelings, cry and vent when I feel the need, but that ratio has to be about 1 time for every 50 times she does. It's not because I'm trying to "be a man" or play tough, I just naturally don't have those needs as often as she does. Most men are this way.

So while women "aren't allowed" to slut it up and retain the same level of attractiveness, a man isn't allowed to be as emotionally needy (for lack of a better term) as the average woman. Neither of these are fair, but they're reality.

Moment of Clarity

By Judah

As adults, most of us live a very structured life. We work a 40 hour work week, run errands on a daily basis, watch our favorite T.V. shows, and end up living for the weekend. There is nothing wrong with stability and normalcy, but I think it’s good to enjoy the moments.

This weekend I went out with some friends and we ended up going to a hookah bar. I just really had a good time with them. It wasn’t a packed house, filled with eye candy or exciting on any level. I live about 3 hours away from my closer friends so the frequency from which we get up isn’t as often as I would like it to be.

While hanging out with my friends who consist of a former co-worker and his wife, we spent time catching up and talking about what was going on in each other’s lives. We ended up reminiscing on old times, thought patterns, and what we would like to experience with each other throughout the coming months. I have decided to take a select group of friends on a trip late in the summer. The plan is to go to Atlantic City.

During our conversation, another friend stopped by to enjoy the flavored tobacco with us and the night got even better. I have very different sets of friends so the fact that all three were able to engage in a meaningful conversation made me happy. While they hit it off my lady decided to hit me with a text to let me know I was on her mind. It was a good moment.

Later that night, Samson called me to let me know one of our favorite boxers just became the oldest boxer to win a world recognized title. I wasn’t sure if he could pull it off but he did it.

Ambition and success are wonderful things to have but having meaningful relationships are just as important. We were all put on this Earth together and we should make time to have a positive impact on each other’s lives.

Mood Music Moments: War (of Samson's soul...)

By Samson

In light of the whole May 21 "the world is ending!" craze, I thought I'd kick off my first Mood Music entry with a song that is dear to my heart. This album came out when I was a freshman in college, and Judah happened to be my roomate. I remember it was almost winter, so the amazing imagery in the song captured the season, and whatever was going on at that point in your life. Hit play on this song while you read the post, and I'm going to just let my thoughts flow however they come out...

I just happened to be in a relationship with my high school sweetheart who was going to the same college (See Do or Die: Holding onto Your Mojo). We had our ups and downs, but as far as I can remember we were in a good place when this came out. In a way, the "feel good" yet melancholy nature of the song brings back the emotions I felt about the relationship in those days. Our good times were GREAT, but it was almost like the calm before the storm, because in the backdrop we both knew we were at a new place in life and changing, and perhaps things were leading up to their inevitable end. But in that moment, with all the BS going on, I was happy. If hell comes crashing at my door later on so be it, but for now I'm feeling alright.

"I got a blunt for my chronic, a juice for my tonic, I know now that I'm feeling right if it goes down..."

"And I know it's not my time to go now... Cause God's got my back in this showdown, so I know we'll be alright."

Not condoning getting lit to solve your problems, but I can dig the sentiment. It's cold outside and people are going crazy, but I'm not worried about that right now... I'm feeling good. And no matter what, I know whatever turmoil that is bound to come will only make me stronger and I'll get through it.

"Caught a glimpse of myself in the Barney's shop window, kinda see my father's features creeping in a little."

Nas always takes time out his verses to add some stream of conciousness type thought or imagery. I do this all the time, because the older I get, the more I look like my father. And at the point of my life when this came out, I was coming of age, so I realized I wasn't a boy anymore. I began to look like a man, act like a man and deal with adult problems and situations. And it was time for me to learn HOW to deal with them.

"There's a war in the streets tonight, and all this drama's got me feeling uptight. I don't know what I'll do if I don't see my boo 'cause she's standing, on the corner of Linden Boulevard... Holding our baby in her arms, so hold on your daddy's in sight."

No matter what stress life's changes brought me, I still in the back of my head envisioned a future in the relationship. Yes, kids and all. Perhaps I was thinking heavier than a young man should have been at that time, but putting this song on gave me glimpses into what I hoped would be a beautiful future.

But at the same time...

"Planned to be a strong black family, but we were too young, too strung, too much flashin'"

"Nothin but the worst type, worst night, when we brought my baby home the first night, cursed like sailors..."

"Regret the sex but not Desi [His daughter]"

Perhaps things were going too fast so we were bound to spin out of control. Because I vividly remember relating to the first part of the verse about how cool it'd be to see her holding our kid and being happy, but at the same time the above lyrics struck a chord with me also. I could picture us having some spats and having a baby in the mix to further complicate things. That tends to happen a lot of times when relationships begin to go at warp speed in a direction toward change or a possible end, that mix of emotion and uncertainty tends to result in "Let's figure things out" sex, or an attempt to reconnect and see if something is still there. And in the process, baby's get made. So though the parents couldn't figure out how to keep it together, a kid is brought into the world. And a man/woman coming of age together mixed with good and bad, arguments and make up sex, hormones and fear, ambition and uncertainty can be a potent cocktail. I'm just thankful I never had to experience that because kids deserve to have parents that already have their stuff together.

All in all, for me this is one of those songs that take me back and create a definite mood. I'll be 60 years old one day, and if this song comes on it'll give me a mellow vibe, some happy thoughts and deep thought. And though it takes me back, as time goes on the song will take on different meanings and give me different thoughts, which it already has.

And above all...

"I've grown up and thankful for lessons God gave me."

Samson's muy excellente trip review (Dominican Republic)

By Samson

It's a big world out there people. This last trip to the Dominican Republic was my second visit to the beautiful country, and one of many out of the United States. So far, I've been to Mexico, Bahamas, Bermuda, Dominican Republic, Panama and Grand Cayman Islands. Haven't ventured out of this hemisphere yet, but with each and every trip I return home inspired and with a different perspective of the world.

This was a trip with me and my lady, which served as an early anniversary (it'll be later this month) and a bit of a break for both of us. I'm burnt out by work and she had a week off before summer classes commence, that was this week. So this was a much needed trip out of the country for both of us. I'm only 25, so most of the afformentioned vacations above took place with family. That's cool, but traveling with my wife is an ENTIRELY different experience. She truly is my best friend, not in the mushy, metrosexual, "Let's eat ice cream together and help you deal with those cramps" kind of way. I mean in the sense that she's my road dog, through and through. We go into these trips with the same state of mind; Easy to please, make the most out of every experience, treat people well and live it to the fullest. And the same goals; Party, try great food, bond, RELAX, have some sweet sexy loving, knock back a few and have fluid conversation that we wouldn't have on American soil for whatever reason, and which will inevitably change our lives. Word.

So to give you the lay of the land, we stayed in Puerto Plata, which is less touristy than the city of Punta Cana, but still gets a good amount of visitors every year. Our resort was all-inclusive, meaning all the food, drinks, entertainment and pool, party and beach time have already been paid for. As soon as we step off the plane in the DR, the heat bares down and lets us know we're not in the states anymore. Hot and humid equals wonderful in my book, so I make a mental note to get plenty of Vitamin C via Senior Sunshine in the week we're here.

And the second we roll our bags out of the baggage claim area, we also learn where we're at; a country that's impoverished and relies heavily on the Canadians, Americans, Europeans and more well off Latin Americans that vacation here. We were greeted by about 50 people with signs offering taxi rides to the resort. I quickly shake hands with a guy that spotted me, told him where I needed to go and he directed us to our driver, an attractive, brown-skinned Dominican woman, maybe my age or a couple years older who obviously didn't speak English, hence the reason her partner was the mouthpiece leading us to her. I chat with the guy for a bit while he loads my bags and he assures me Puerto Plata is much better than Punta Cana (I told him I had been to Punta Cana on my last DR trip). Not shy, after he finished loading my bags he said "You have a tip for me my friend?" Not a problem, I slipped him a dollar, which was the equivalent of a little under 50 Dominican pesos.

After that we were off. We didn't make conversation with our cab driver, since as I said, she was either really quiet or not comfortable speaking English. Now during this 15-20 minute ride to the resort, we got to see the REAL DR, with a lot of people walking or riding scooters, some broken down houses and a whole lot of vendors selling items alongside the road. It wasn't Survivor, but the average American would have to give up a lot of comforts to live here.

Once we got to the resort, it was clear that resorts like these employ a lot of Dominicans. Those with the best English got jobs at the front desk or as waiters or entertainment. I had a moment early on that reinforced my desire to learn another language (I'm starting with French but plan to make Spanish my third). We had a guy handle our bags for us and help take them to our room, which was on the third floor. The guy who was helping us didn't seem to speak any English, and when he got our bags to the door he reached his hand out. Already used to being hit up for tips, I handed him a dollar. That would have been great, except he was asking for the room key...

Add this to the list of reasons I'm going hard with my language learning. I love to travel. And there's no reason I shouldn't be able to speak the language of the people when I travel to avoid these types of mixups. I don't know if the guy thought anything of it, but for all I know he could have taken it as an insult. I'm sure plenty of people come in throwing their dollars and treating the "help" like less than the dignified men and women that they are, and that's just not my style.

I'd go into detail about the trip, but on a day to day basis we more or less did the same thing. Wake up whenever we feel like it, go to breakfast (great omelettes), hit the pool or beach, go to lunch, hit the pool or beach, knock back some drinks and hang out til dinner time, eat dinner at one of the A La Carte restaurants, knock back more drinks, hit the nightly entertainment, etc.

On some of these days we'd kick it with fellow vacationers and compete in fun little relay games and pool/beach volleyball. On others we'd venture off the resort for a little to explore what it was like in the surrounding area.

As a whole, I came away with some key points on the trip that I thought I'd share to put things into perspective.

1) I love my wife. I talk about a lot of the differences between men and women on this blog, but those differences should be embraced for the simple fact that they attract us to each other. I'm a good man so I deserve a good woman, and I have that. We have our bumps in the road like any couple, but the more I want to branch out and improve my life the more I realize that it's only possible if you have someone like-minded to help inspire you to be better. I love to travel and experience new things, so if I was with someone that wanted to keep her world closed and stick with what she knows within the confines of her comfort zone, we'd have problems... BIG problems. It really makes life easier to have somebody that fits you.

2) I'm secure with myself and my relationship. And let me tell you, with this trip I HAD to be. On our second night, she was chosen to enter this competition called Ms. Puerto Plata 2011. It was all fun and games, but a less secure man may have had problems. During one of the portions, the contestants had to do a couple of playful, sensual, strut/dance moves to slow music and then tell their name and where they're from in their native language. Well, my wife happened to be wearing a dress that hugged her figure, and she's 98% hips and butt. So while the game was playful and her moves were PG, she got like a million whistles and catcalls. Oh, and she eventually won the competition, lol.

Also, she got hit on a lot throughout the week, both in Spanish and English, lol. Nothing vulgar or disrepectful, but a lot of Dominican "freshness" if you will. I can't count the number of times she'd come back after getting us a drink or a towel or whatever, and would have a story of how she had just gotten hit on. A lot of it I saw with my own eyes. I took comfort in not giving a !@$%@. I know that 20-year-old Samson would have ripped his shirt off and confronted the dude, or gotten the crazy/deranged face and asked her for the play-by-play on how she was flirted with and whether the dude knew I was with her or not. Please. I'm at a comfort level now both with myself and my relationship that I just laugh. And lord knows I get my share of looks and flirts, so who am I to go ballistic if she gets her share (as long as no lines are crossed of course). And besides, if my wife was looking sexy for a week with new outfits, a fresh hair-do and eyebrows arched and NOBODY hit on her or noticed, I'd probably feel a lot worse. Nobody wants to be with the chick that no one else finds attractive.

3) Travel is essential. I've been out of the country my fair share but haven't done nearly as much travel as I'd like. I really want to hit Europe and South America, and plan to do so very soon. I honestly feel that God put us here not to stay in our little box, but to branch out and experience everything that he created. Not to get too deep, but we were given dominion over this earth, so I feel that it's our duty to mingle and experience each other's cultures. We live in the age where travel is as easy as it's ever been, so really, what's stopping ANYONE from going to the post office, grabbing a passport and seeing what the world has to offer. I'm still entry level in my career, so I'm not making a fortune just yet, but if I can set aside money and make these kinds of trips happen anyone can. Travel is a big part of the reason I'm planning to start my own business. I feel like it's an important part of life and I shouldn't have to ask my boss for time off to do it.

4) Each country has its own set of race/class inequality problems. I know we often live in our American bubble and think that Black/White is the end all be all in global race issues. In the Dominican, everyone had African or Afro-Latin roots, so the dynamic was a bit different. You couldn't notice it on the resort, but when we ventured off the resort it was clear that even in an impoverished country, superiority complexes were prevalent that held another class back. Many of the beggars in the street had the more clear African features, and our tour guide pointed out that some were Hatian. He said it disgusts him how people in the country treat their own. Now that's not to say that the more Latin looking people weren't begging also, but I can't say that I saw anybody who was clearly Hatian or dark skinned running any of the shops.

5) The immersion of cultures is very interesting. I basically spent time in a country where the people spoke Spanish, had African and Spanish features, spoke English as a means to attain power, valued the American dollar, and performed heavily Latin influenced dance moves. It's amazing how different this country might look if those slave ships had veered somewhere else. My wife and I noticed how unique this blend of culture was when we saw a waitress that had the most beautiful dark skin that was black as oil and had the hips of a black woman, but was dressed in an outfit that for lack of a better comparison looked like a matador uniform. That all came down to where her ancestors ended up. Like I said, if that ship had veered a little to the North she'd probably look and act just like us, instead, she's assimilated with the culture that is dominant where she lives.

All in all it was a great trip. We had an excellent time and I think it helped our peace of mind, life experience and relationship in every way imaginable. I'm already looking forward to the next one.

Sexual Partners: The Numbers Game

By Judah
I was hanging out with a friend over the weekend and we ended up at a bar as we usually do. While under the influence we talk about a variety of topics but this time it was gear towards women. Nothing can compare to a woman in a man’s world. At the end of the day it all comes down to women. From their hair, lips, shape, bust, waste, thighs, legs, and eyes. Man was made in the image of God, but woman were made in the image of man’s desires.

Anyways, as we were talking the subject of sexual partners came up and it was an intriguing conversation. Such a great dialogue, even my favorite bartender Victoria had to enlighten us with her two cents..lol ( All puns intended)

I think the average person has their first sexual encounter around the age of 17-20. Some of us start a little early around the age of 15 and some of us start a little later around the age of 25. This post is for those to started in the medium which is about 17.

The debate we had at the bar under countless shots of liquor consisted of the following questions:


How many sexual partners is a conservative number and how many is too much for a woman to have?

Would you be cool if the woman you are seeing told you see was involved with a train or 3some?


These are some pretty interesting questions to say the least. I personally think it has to do more with age. If I am talking to a 40 year old woman and she throws a number like 50 at me, I can’t be too shocked or turned off. So let’s say she starts at 20 years of age and she has two a year. That is about 40 partners plus 10 which is totally understandable. She dated or felt compelled to trip and fall on 2 dicks per year. Now if I am dating a 30 year old woman and she throws out the same number with the same stats I can make the same argument. Instead of 2 per year she tripped on 5 per year. It’s very subjective...you have to be comfortable with the results and be secure within your own manhood.

Don’t ask the questions you do not want the answers to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Side Note: Women are human being just like men...Stop putting Pussy on a Pedestal. Women have wants and desire just like men..The only difference is that men are more likely to act of them and it’s hypocritical to frown on a woman who acts on her desires.

Now we get to the train...I think the issue gets a little more black and white when it comes to a 3some. If a girl had a fantasy from which she wanted to double dick clutch and she lived it out, I think it is cool. I prefer not to have a woman like that but like I said before they are human too.
Now multiple double dick clutching on a casual basis is a no go...That is hoe status.

Definition of a Hoe:

Jumps on multiple dicks on a normal fluid basis with a dash of gold digger all rolled up in one.


Personally I think all of this is subjective but I think the easiest way to look for a solution is to look within yourself. I had a great time in college and I met a number of woman. I know that I wouldn’t want a woman of serious interest to pick apart my dating history or judge me based on what I did in my past. It is good to understand a person’s history but people can change and that is what is great about life. Besides.....if your woman has a big number look at it as practice and know that her technique and experience will be all yours. I think men try to find a balance between a good girl and a bad girl...The whole lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets ideal.

Deal Breakers

By Judah

Adult relationships are interesting to say the least. For the past few weeks I have been talking to a woman with whom I’m fascinated with. We have a great deal in common and enjoying the possibilities, to keep it mild.

To quote the Love Jones guru Larenz Tate:

"Romance is about the possibility of things. You see it's about the time between when you first meet some fine woman and when you first make love to her. And when you first ask a woman to marry you and when she says I do.”

Side note: If you wanna pick up a few things here and there fellas watch this movie. No Doubt.

During the time you first meet someone, it can be very exciting. Your finishing each other’s sentences, finding limitless topics to discuss and it feels like your hit with a shot of heroin...lol Not that I have tasted heroin but I can understand the feeling.

Anyways, during one of our initial conversations she asked me what are my deal breakers. I had to sit down and think about it. Of course there are things about a woman that I want and things that I would like to stay away from. So I thought I might put together a list of 6 things that are important to me. If the woman of my interest does not have these qualities it would be a no go.

Independence:

I want a woman who has the ability to take care of herself. As a man I believe it is my roll to be the protector and comforter on some level. Although this may be true, when I date a woman I am not looking for a damsel in distress. I am not interested in putting on a cape and playing superman. She was able to survive before we met, she should be able to support herself during and after if applicable. I have a boss at work and she is a very special woman. She is in her early 50’s and she always drops some knowledge on me while we are on lunch break. She said never to date a woman who has not lived on her own. At first, I was like every circumstance is unique and that is a hard line. But as I thought about it...the more it made sense. At my age (25) I should not be involving myself with someone who does not have some level of independence. A quicky is one thing...lol but a relationship is another.

Physical fitness:

I am from the real south...where a woman being 200 plus pounds is normal. I have nothing against a curvey woman. I find it is more about energy and confidence than anything else. There have been some women in my life with a swag so real I was able to overlook a healthy frame. I love women in general. I can get down with a Rihanna or a Jordan Sparks. Riri has a small frame and Jordan is a healthy thick woman. I can appreciate both for different reasons.

Since I moved to northern Va I have been lazy. No if and or buts about it. I gained about 25 pounds since my move. But about a month ago I started working out again and have evened the playing field. I am down 18 pounds. I won’t be stopping at 25 pounds though..I plan on achieving model status before the summer is out. I wasn’t always a health nut, I enjoyed a few jr. bacon cheese burgers back in my day...lol But as I grow into maturity it is important for me to have a mate who also has the desire to be healthy. An activity partner perhaps. I like taking walks, lifting weights, jogging, and am starting to get into yoga. There is no way around it...having a healthy active lifestyle will lead to having a tight body.

Good Hygiene:

This is pretty straight forward and also correlates with physical fitness. When you take care of your body as a temple it will also translate into good hygiene. Unless it is 8 in the morning, or you just ate a sour cream taco, there is no reason not to have fresh or neutral breath. I am a big fan of girly girls. Women who enjoy being a woman. This includes keeping her hair together, nails, cloths, and overall appearance in check. If we are watching movies late at night and you have on a sweat shirt that is cool..but if we are going to a fancy dinner and you have on tom boy ass outfit we aint going to work.

Freaky:

This is a no brainer...lol There is a fine line between having a girl who is sexual and being a slut. A girl who is sexual wants to be sexy for her man and do things to please him as he would her. A slut is promiscuous and enjoys double dick clutching from time to time. But that’s a whole different topic meant for another blog post. Anyways, most men can agree with me that they would like a woman who is open in bed and not a prude. If a woman tells me she doesn’t give head with a straight face...lol I would look at her like she is insane.


Well Read:

I like a worldly woman. Someone who knows something I may not know. I love to learn..and who best to teach me something than the woman I share a bed with. Politics, religion, life, experience, people, places, things, ect. Someone who has lived and enjoys living and learning.



Honesty:

An honest woman goes a long way with me. A woman could tell me the most fucked up thing in the world..but if it is the truth she will have all of my respect.

Crisis averted because I didn't get on the rollercoaster

By Samson

Remember how I told you before not to get on rollercoasters?

I had an experience with this last night. My wife is finishing up a degree, and had a test that she was pulling an all nighter for. To make a long story short, there was weeping and gnashing of teeth, questioning the meaning of life, and at one point, she had a break down and wondered whether she would achieve greatness or live life as an average person. What began for my dear wife as a legitimately difficult upcoming test for which she was having trouble understanding the information became something so much bigger.

I remained calm, allowed her to vent without injecting too much of "let me fix your problem for you" instinct. When she needed hugs she got them, when she needed encouragement it was received. When she needed to cry it out I left her alone.

Fast forward to about 30 minutes ago, she was e-mailing her professor on something unrelated, and guess what he said?

"VERY good job on your test today."

............. @#$@#$!$$$!

Rollercoasters. Don't get on them.

I want a divorce

By Judah
According to divorcerate.org  40-50% of all marriages will end in divorce.  This is scary statistic on many levels but isn’t too shocking if you take a closer look at how modern marriage is viewed.  Now statistics can be manipulated for whatever cause or agenda but even if the number is 30-40% that is still a large number that end in separation.  For example, out of a million marriages 300 thousand will end in divorce.  

       Age at marriage for those who divorce in America

Age	Women	Men
Under 20 years old	27.6%	11.7%
20 to 24 years old	36.6%	38.8%
25 to 29 years old	16.4%	22.3%
30 to 34 years old	8.5%	11.6%
35 to 39 years old	5.1%	6.5%

After sitting back and analyzing these statistics a few questions popped up.


Is marriage viewed the same as it once was in generations past?

Marriage was more of a religious idea than anything else.  People were primarily married in a church under the guidance and direction of a religious figure. Marriage was thought of the merging of two beings into one.  One body, one home.  Today marriage can still be seen as a religious idea but now the secular world has taken a hold of it.  I don’t have a problem with government sanctions but one can not neglect the impact it has on the practice.  Marriage is seen as less of a divine union but more so a formality.  

Is sacrifice still a requirement on a  marriage application?

In these times narcissism is at an all time high.  Personal happiness outweighs the needs of the group or the family.  I feel as though when you are single and experiencing life another person’s feeling shouldn’t matter too much because you have to enjoy life.  But when you are married and or have children the word  “I” should not be used as much.  If you are more concerned with what you want rather than what is best for the family that your odds of being a statistic will drastically increase.  

Does a prenup kill the buzz?

I’m not against a prenuptial agreement because if I am 6 or 7 figures deep I would want to protect what I have worked hard for.  But I also understand that in getting the prenup it is accepting the idea that the marriage can fail.  This is another example of marriage being more of a formality and a business than a divine act.  The state can marry you and can also divorce you.  

Does your mate respect the process?

To do anything well in life one must work hard at it without complaint.  Yes, having success in a marriage or career is not as different as people may think.  It takes hard work to master anything or even come close to being an expert in a discipline.

I think a combination of selflessness and determination is a good start or at least will put you in the right direction.

Mood Music Moment: Hey Lover

By Judah

This weeks Mood Music Mood is by LL Cool J’s “Hey Lover.”  I was on Facebook the other day talking to some friends about differences in how a child of the 90’s would approach talking to a girl he liked, as opposed to a child in 2011.  In the 90’s there was no Facebook or texting, and fewer chat rooms, so everything was face-to-face contact.  Today, a kid doesn’t have to worry about butterflies or having a clean haircut, or even fresh breath...  he can do all of his game spitting via the world wide web.  I personally think approaching a girl face-to-face builds character and allows kids to develop social skills.  

LL Cool J’s “Hey Lover” was my theme song for when I was macking to my crush in elementary school.  I would play this song when I wanted to hype myself up and get into the mood.  The song comes from his last critically acclaimed album, “Mr. Smith.”  He isn’t what he used to be, but one can always reminisce at his greatness.

Article: 7 Types of Women Men Should Avoid

By Samson

I came across an article on Black Voices that I liked, dealing with 7 types of women men should avoid. Just thought I'd share. If you'd like, you can see the original article here.

1. The Religious Fanatic

There's nothing wrong with believing in a higher power. In fact, having a moral foundation makes for a good marriage and mother material for a man looking to settle down, but too much of anything can be, well, too much.

For someone that lives in a secular world, trying to mesh with a devout church girl can result in problems of biblical proportions. There's just a major conflict of interests when your woman's quoting verses from the book of Luke and you're quoting Uncle Luke verses. It's just not going to work, so unless you're ready to get sanctified, leave the religious girls alone, fellas.

2. The Marriage/Baby-Obsessed

If you've ever seen an episode of VH1's 'What Chilli Wants', then you have a prime example of this type of woman. It's perfectly fine to aspire to have a family, but not on the first date. Women like these tend to be focused more on the idea of the nuclear family and wedding than all the steps it takes to actually maintain a marriage, like getting to know someone.

When a woman looks at a man, she should see a potential partner, not a sperm donor. Sure, some women's biological clocks are ticking, but for some, it feels more like a stopwatch.

3. The Gold Digger

There's nothing wrong with a woman wanting financial security and assurances that their partner can provide for them and their future offspring. The problem is those women that don't bring anything to the table other than their looks and just expect a man to lay down the red carpet for them. Worst yet are those that specifically seek out men because of their bank account, looking for a big payday. Guys with no game tend to fall for these types by flashing more cash than personality. In time they'll eventually see the light, but hopefully, that's before they put a ring on it or she drops a kid, because then you're stuck splitting your paycheck with this broad for life.

4. The Angry Black Woman

Let's not pretend like she doesn't exist because we all know that she does. Any man that's come into contact with an ABW should know right away that she's not one to be messed with - or dated. There's nothing worse than spending time with someone that's mad at the world... all the time. Life is hard, but it gets a lot easier when a man keeps all ABWs in a friend box labeled "do not enter."

5. The Pretty Girl With Problems

Just because a woman is physically attractive doesn't mean she'll make a good partner. Take a look at Halle Berry and Christina Milian. Both women would top most celebrity MILF lists, but if you look at their respective dating histories, you'll see a pattern of bad relationships in their wake.

Sure, the guys in question played a role, but the common denominator is her. BBD said, "Never trust a big butt and a smile." Well, the same goes for a pretty girl with problems. Don't trust this type of woman to do anything other than give you a big headache.

6. The Stalker

A Thin Line Between Love and Hate and Fatal Attraction weren't just good movies; they were tutorials on what men should not do: date emotionally unstable women. Sometimes stalkers are hard to detect right off the bat, but when a woman starts popping up unexpectedly, acting overly needy and borders on being scary, it's time to extricate yourself from the situation - carefully. Whatever you do, don't just ignore her; women like that don't like being ignored.

7. The Party Girl

There's a big difference between being the life of the party and being a party girl. The latter is the type of woman that's shaking her tail feather every other night and getting sloppy drunk on the regular. Neither are qualities most men want in the future mother of their children.

If you're 21 and just looking for a good time, then a party girl might be right up your alley, but any grown man looking for a stable relationship need look elsewhere. I don't care what Usher says, most of us don't find true love in this club.

There it is, fellas, you've been forewarned. No matter how good she looks, if you happen to come across any of the above women during the course of your dating experiences, run the other way quick fast and in a hurry.