Mood Music Moment: U know whats up

By Judah

We have been a little M.I.A with the blog the last few weeks so I thought I might update you on whats going on in my life and give you some Mood Music while I am at it.

This weeks Mood Music Moment cut is brought to you by Donell Jones from his second album Where I Wanna Be. The song U Know Whats Up is a classic record with vocals by Donell and co-written by Anthony Hamilton. The song is about coming across a female that you are drawn to without question.

I was recently exposed a young lady about a week ago I didn’t expect to meet. Basically I connected with her on a mental level that I haven’t had the pleasure of experiencing in quiet some time.

I have written many a post about the interactions between man and woman. In these post I argue that man and woman can not be friends. I implore readers not to get caught up in being friends with a woman and to make your intentions known. I have abandoned this thought process in this case...lol I’m going to write about this in more detail later but for the moment enjoy the Mood Music.

Power suit, Power Tie, Power Steering

By Judah

Communication is more than just the words that come out of your mouth on a daily basis. The things we don’t say often speak louder than the things we do say, whether it be a jester, posture, and one’s overall look. Appearance is just as, if not more important than the things we say.

Clothing

Whether you’re at a club, work, church, or the gym; how you dress says a lot about how you will be judged and perceived. Yes…we all have to come to the realization the people are judgmental and that is the world we live in. You can attempt to fight the system but at the end of the day there is no way around not playing the game.

When you’re at work, what you wear will to a point account for the respect that you will get. When you go to a club, depending upon what is considered fashionable, you will be judged on how fly or how lame you look. Even at church; we would all hope that we are not judged, but if you come to the alter wearing some holes in your jeans, people are going to have their own thoughts and opinions about it. It’s a fact of life. Lastly, the gym; people may not want to admit it, but the gym is used to at some degree show off that body. It is the vainest place imaginable.

Grooming

Every culture has a different belief on what a groomed man should look like but are talking about the average everyday American with this example. Facial hair is not an issue, but if you’re going to grow it out keep it tight by shaping it up. Wearing the Officer Ricky at a job interview will not pan out well, I’m sure. Keep the breath fresh by daily attention to detail of your mouth and gums. Also fellas, this may hurt a bit but you have to know when it’s time for the MJ. If you can’t line it up it’s time for a straight razor.

Physical Traits

Posture is so important in business, as well as socially. If you’re in a board meeting, slouching will give off a lack of respect for the meeting and yourself! If you are on a date, having poor posture affects how the object of your affection may perceive you. Hanging your head down and having lack of eye contact gives off an air of insecurities. Wearing your heart on your sleeve is also not what’s up. Have an air of mystery. [See: Friend Zone]

Body Image

We all have had our times in life from which we know it’s time to hit the gym. It’s a known fact that the most attractive people in the corporate world move up the fastest. Good looking people get promoted. This can be debated but not ignored. But even if that’s not a motivation, keeping your body tight will help you mentally, physically, and spiritually. Trust.

How you look to the outside world has a huge effect of how you come across, how you’re judged and if you’re respected. It’s an important part of our everyday life that is often rejected.

He's just my buddy!!!

By Judah
The friend zone has gotten the best of all men at one point in time. We assume being nice, cordial, and friendly (i.e. a “gentleman”) will get us somewhere when it comes to matters of the opposite sex. It sounds nice but has nothing to do with attraction. Being friendly has nothing to do with passion in the least bit.

A recent post I wrote “I have a penis, you have a vagina... We can't be friends” had me thinking a lot about the dynamic between male and female interaction. I personally don’t think men 99.9% of the time go into a friendship with a woman wanting to be a “friend”. There are two reasons a guy goes from going for the gold to finding himself trapped in that friend zone.

Reason #1

The first cause is self sabotage. When fear is present, a lot of guys go in with good intentions but set themselves up for failure. Fear causes men to; make excuses, find reasons not to make a move, or simply settle when things get hard. A lot of times this fear spirals into a guy panicking and acting overly goofy. ...Yes being charming and funny can help to a point but when you kick it up a notch you might as well start making balloon animals.

Reason #2

The second and very common reason is putting her on a pedestal. Yeah, I said it. … Men, too often, too many of us insist on putting that pussy on a pedestal. Women are no different from men in the sense that they are trying to experience life and meet some cool people along the way. The act of being overly friendly, “chivalrous” and appeasing to women will result in some GREAT friendship.

So what should I do then?

I’m glad you asked. A combination of mystery and aggression will go a LONG way. Yes, in some ways the attraction is either there or it isn’t. But I’m talking about the times where it’s 50\50. … A situation from which your body language and what comes out of your mouth will tip the scale. Meaning it’ll either tip it in your favor or in the direction of “Him? No, I’d NEVER think of him like that. That’s my buddy!”

So I’ve been talking with Samson about the direction of the blog and how best to connect with our readers, so this inspired me to tell a story of MY experience with the friend zone.

Yes, I’ve found myself in that damn friend zone before too. Judah’s story...

So, I met a girl in high school during 6th period psychology. … And she was a banger... Nice little shape. Cool personality--the works. At this time period of my life, my swag was on a 100 million before such phrase was even created. Anyways, we started chatting it up and we became “friends.”

We start hanging out at my house, her house, kicking it. And it was all good. So one day I ask her to the ring dance (Junior Prom) and she says yes. So it’s all good and I tell my boy Twink about it. We decide to get the tickets during second lunch and my boy is there with me. “Beth” (that’s what we’ll call her for this story) is no where in sight. Twink starts laughing uncontrollably. I don’t know what to think so I go looking for her.

We finally find her and she tells me she can’t go because her BOYFRIEND (!!!!) won’t let her go. Two things; if I had been firm with my intentions that shit would not have gone down, and if I made my presence known, if I was that type of guy, it would have been time for the percolator.

There is much more to the story and perhaps another blog will inspire me to finish the it. Eventually I got what I want, but that’s another story...

The moral the story is that if I had been more assertive and less friendly, this would have saved me a lot of time--and the results at this particular moment in my life would have been drastically different. If you’re putting yourself in a category you don’t wanna be in, you’ll have to do something about it. Let your presence be known.

I have a penis, you have a vagina... We can't be friends

By Judah
Can a man and woman be just friends?

My answer is no. I don't feel that a man and woman can be just friends. I’m not talking about the kind of friendship in which you have known each other since high school or college and you check up on one another from time to time. I’m talking about the kind of friendship where you meet in a social environment; work, the gym, on the train, etc., and attempt to build a cordial friendship. The kind of friendship in which one calls the other to see how their day is going and what's new with them, hanging out on the weekends, grabbing a drink together after work. ...

I just don’t see that crap happening.

This is a topic that's been debated for some time. We tend to interact with those of like minds and backgrounds. It’s only natural that we spend time with those we find appealing. Let’s say I meet a male co-worker at the job and he is on his grind just like me. He's trying to build his hustle and also follows boxing, which I'm a big fan of. More than likely that is going to be my road dog.

Now take that same example and let's add a twist. Say I meet a woman at the job and she's hard working and determined like I am, and is also a hardcore boxing fan. We hang out, have a lot in common, and sometimes she comes over to the crib just to kick it; is it possible for us to have all of these things going for us and not feel some mutual attraction?

Let's add one more element to this picture. You are both in an exclusive relationship. So you're having long, thought provoking conversations with this person--as friends do; what’s stopping you from taking it to the next level? How is your significant other going to respond to you having this friendship?

And to take that even further, how are you going to respond to their relationship? Like I said, you're having long, thought provoking phone conversations with her on the regular. When the two of you hang up and her boyfriend inevitably either knocks it down, or your "friend" plays giddy up reverse cowgirl on him--you mean to tell me you're not going to feel some kind of way about that? Or if she shares those types of details with you, you won't care because you two are "just friends," right?... I highly doubt it.

In my opinion, the friend, in this case, regardless of sex, is the next person in line. ... A safety net on some level. No man on earth is going to be friends with a woman and be OK with the buddy title. Men are conquerors who need a challenge, and on some level women have the same qualities.

I’ll leave you with some thoughts from Steve Harvey, who I think sums this up nicely:

Tapping into your animal instincts

By Samson

Keep it simple stupid. That’s how the saying goes, but if we follow this advice and really examine our everyday human interactions, you’ll realize that as intellectual as we may be, no matter how beautifully complex we are, when it comes down to it we’re really just smart ass animals.

Our urges, impulses, wants and needs trump the distractions (think careers, technology, MONEY) that are both self-imposed and placed on us. One of my philosophies I’m liable to share after a few brews between friends is simply this; in the physical sense, we’re placed on this planet for one reason and one reason only—to have sex. We’re hardwired to our core to want and need it, and the majority of what we do can all come back to it.

Though Sigmund Freud is the most recognizable Psychological mind ever, he catches a lot of flack by some for his theories. I won’t bore you with a lecture on it, but he basically says that from birth, we develop in psychosexual stages. Through these five stages, we satisfy our sexual urges. To be clear, this doesn’t mean that your infant would have a stash of “baby porn” (I’m worried about the Feds knocking on my door after typing that phrase alone), but that we’re born with a libido, and that it manifests itself in different ways as we mature. Basically, you go from having an oral fixation and manipulating attention by being cute (baby), to having kiddy crushes on your parents through Oedipus and Electra complexes (toddler) to having actual sexual feelings, expressed with genital awareness and masturbation, to actual relationships and having sex.

You can look at these theories and pick and choose how literal you want to take things, but the fact remains that to our core, sex and “animalistic” urges dominate every part of our lives. We intellectualize things a lot and try to be politically correct, which is good in a sense, but in another sense I think we outsmart ourselves.

I grabbed a beer with my co-workers recently, and those of us that are married went into the inevitable “How did you meet?” stories. Without fail, each and every story started with strong physical feelings (I guess you can call it lust), that happened unplanned and opened the door to getting to know that person. A lot of people have laundry lists of what they want in a partner (height, weight, hair color, number of degrees, salary, etc.) tucked away in their back pocket, and they go out into the world with that list and start looking for love. Doesn’t happen that way.

Now to be clear, I’m not saying that you should hoe it up and expect love to happen. I’m mainly saying that you’re likely going to find love in a more animalistic, or primal way than you think, even if there’s no sex involved immediately. Attraction comes first, and then you make a decision whether to act on or it not as you get to know each other. Though my ideal woman is smart, funny and attractive, her resume that lists her degrees and comedy credits isn’t even going to reach my desk if she looks like Precious. Just being real.

Now fellas, this goes both ways. Pop culture tries to sell us on this PC notion that the ideal guy cries as much as his woman, shares his feelings ad nauseum and doesn’t prioritize sex. In fact, the 2011 man is taught that having sexual urges makes you one of “those guys” and that all of their female friends and acquaintances are “good girls” that would be repulsed at those kinds of thoughts or actions. This breeds a whole lot of men that can provide the comfortable feelings that women enjoy, without the carnal urges that are needed for a healthy union between woman and man.

To be honest, the “friend zone” is nothing more than a guy who wants more but is scared to make a move. SHE doesn’t put you in it, you put yourself in it. While you’re being the All-American friend, she allows you to be the cuddly wuddly shoulder to cry on, while she gets her, ahem, needs fulfilled by the guy who she inevitably ends up crying to you about. Why? Because you ignored the animal in you and outsmarted yourself by thinking you’re above those sorts of things. Because you’ve evolved into a new millennium man and are above that primitive stuff.

OK, enough of the sex talk. In times of natural disaster, when our infrastructure collapses and the distractions we’ve created fade away, you’ll notice that our primal needs reach the forefront. All that matters is gathering food and water and feeding your family. I’m not talking about the NBA or NFL player “needing” the bigger contract because “I gotta feed my family.” No, I mean REALLY feed your family. Wayne said it best on one of his mixtapes a few years back: “Ain’t nobody safe when it’s for the kids sake.” I don’t advocate crime, but if the system collapses and you’re in survival mode, well, things tend to quickly become less PC.

We buy our food in neat little pretty packages at Wal-Mart, but we’re still buying raw, sometimes bloody meat that needs to be put to heat and eaten. We’ve come a long way so that instead of going out and hunting for the kill of the day, we can use our Kroger card and get gas discounts while buying the kill of the day, and eating it in our cushy condos.

We’ve evolved (as we should), but don’t believe for a second that those traits that got the cavemen through hard times don’t still ring true today. When things get real in your workplace, relationship, household or ANY situation in your daily life, think about the ways the animal in you might trump the intelligent, well-rounded human and help you get ahead in that situation. You might be surprised.