Deal Breakers

By Judah

Adult relationships are interesting to say the least. For the past few weeks I have been talking to a woman with whom I’m fascinated with. We have a great deal in common and enjoying the possibilities, to keep it mild.

To quote the Love Jones guru Larenz Tate:

"Romance is about the possibility of things. You see it's about the time between when you first meet some fine woman and when you first make love to her. And when you first ask a woman to marry you and when she says I do.”

Side note: If you wanna pick up a few things here and there fellas watch this movie. No Doubt.

During the time you first meet someone, it can be very exciting. Your finishing each other’s sentences, finding limitless topics to discuss and it feels like your hit with a shot of heroin...lol Not that I have tasted heroin but I can understand the feeling.

Anyways, during one of our initial conversations she asked me what are my deal breakers. I had to sit down and think about it. Of course there are things about a woman that I want and things that I would like to stay away from. So I thought I might put together a list of 6 things that are important to me. If the woman of my interest does not have these qualities it would be a no go.

Independence:

I want a woman who has the ability to take care of herself. As a man I believe it is my roll to be the protector and comforter on some level. Although this may be true, when I date a woman I am not looking for a damsel in distress. I am not interested in putting on a cape and playing superman. She was able to survive before we met, she should be able to support herself during and after if applicable. I have a boss at work and she is a very special woman. She is in her early 50’s and she always drops some knowledge on me while we are on lunch break. She said never to date a woman who has not lived on her own. At first, I was like every circumstance is unique and that is a hard line. But as I thought about it...the more it made sense. At my age (25) I should not be involving myself with someone who does not have some level of independence. A quicky is one thing...lol but a relationship is another.

Physical fitness:

I am from the real south...where a woman being 200 plus pounds is normal. I have nothing against a curvey woman. I find it is more about energy and confidence than anything else. There have been some women in my life with a swag so real I was able to overlook a healthy frame. I love women in general. I can get down with a Rihanna or a Jordan Sparks. Riri has a small frame and Jordan is a healthy thick woman. I can appreciate both for different reasons.

Since I moved to northern Va I have been lazy. No if and or buts about it. I gained about 25 pounds since my move. But about a month ago I started working out again and have evened the playing field. I am down 18 pounds. I won’t be stopping at 25 pounds though..I plan on achieving model status before the summer is out. I wasn’t always a health nut, I enjoyed a few jr. bacon cheese burgers back in my day...lol But as I grow into maturity it is important for me to have a mate who also has the desire to be healthy. An activity partner perhaps. I like taking walks, lifting weights, jogging, and am starting to get into yoga. There is no way around it...having a healthy active lifestyle will lead to having a tight body.

Good Hygiene:

This is pretty straight forward and also correlates with physical fitness. When you take care of your body as a temple it will also translate into good hygiene. Unless it is 8 in the morning, or you just ate a sour cream taco, there is no reason not to have fresh or neutral breath. I am a big fan of girly girls. Women who enjoy being a woman. This includes keeping her hair together, nails, cloths, and overall appearance in check. If we are watching movies late at night and you have on a sweat shirt that is cool..but if we are going to a fancy dinner and you have on tom boy ass outfit we aint going to work.

Freaky:

This is a no brainer...lol There is a fine line between having a girl who is sexual and being a slut. A girl who is sexual wants to be sexy for her man and do things to please him as he would her. A slut is promiscuous and enjoys double dick clutching from time to time. But that’s a whole different topic meant for another blog post. Anyways, most men can agree with me that they would like a woman who is open in bed and not a prude. If a woman tells me she doesn’t give head with a straight face...lol I would look at her like she is insane.


Well Read:

I like a worldly woman. Someone who knows something I may not know. I love to learn..and who best to teach me something than the woman I share a bed with. Politics, religion, life, experience, people, places, things, ect. Someone who has lived and enjoys living and learning.



Honesty:

An honest woman goes a long way with me. A woman could tell me the most fucked up thing in the world..but if it is the truth she will have all of my respect.

Practical Application

By Judah

We give a lot of theory on this blog for the most part so I thought I might throw in some application.

I’m really big on self-assessment. The practice of taking inventory of your skills, personality, choices, and appearance. It’s good to take an honest look in the mirror from time to time and attempt to give an objective opinion about one’s self. This isn’t an easy practice by any means. Sometimes we make excuses for better or worse.

So, I did a little self-assessment myself this week before I went to work. My career game is on track and I’m making the proper connections and continuously mastering my craft by learning from other’s with more experiences and keeping up with the changes within my field. Spiritually, I know the importance of having a personal relationship with my creator and I am satisfied with the progress I am making everyday. Also, I develop my mind on the daily by exposing myself to new ways of thinking by picking up literature on a variety of topics. Right now I am tackling the new biography of the life of Malcolm X by Manning Marable. Eventually I am going to do a review on that so stay tuned.

The aspect of my life I am currently lacking is the physical. Before I moved to the DMV I worked at a job that gave me some crazy hours. Basically, I was on call 24 hours a day. As crazy as that job was it allowed focus on a variety of things such as my career which allowed me to get a better job in the first place. One of the things I was able to do was lift weights.

Now as a 25 year old male I must admit I was rather weak compared to those in my age group. So I thought why not bulk up? I went to the store and bought a supply of protein shakes. After I guzzled down a shake I hit the weights hard and in three months time I doubled my work rate. I’m one of those people that if I have a goal I can become obsessive to a degree and in this case it paid off.

Fast forward, I got the call from the company out in Northern VA and took the job. It was a great choice and I couldn’t be happier with my decision. The only downside was that I didn’t have or didn’t find the time to keep up my work out regiment and my body suffered.

So last Wednesday I looked in the mirror and the scale and realized that I gained a good 20 pounds since my move. I didn’t look like I gained that much but the combination of loosing that muscle and gaining fat took effect.

Instead of sulking I laughed for a moment and asked myself what I was going to do about my problem. I knew I didn’t have time to hit the weights hard so I thought the easiest way was to start slow for the time being.

My first thought was if I can’t dedicate hours at the gym, at least I could do some workouts at home. So, I found a crazy ab workout video by Manny Pacquiao and went in! For the time being I am unable to keep up with him but I believe as I continue to develop my wind I have no doubt in my mind I can complete the exercise.

Second, I thought about how I was going to drop some of my unnecessary fat in a timely fashion. I have a track where I work and many people take off their slacks and collar shirts and throw on some shorts to have a run. At first I was apprehensive about running since I hadn't done it in awhile and I was worried that my legs were not going to be able to carry the weight.

Good News....I was wrong. I was able to run a full mile without stopping and I feel like I could have done more. It felt good that my wind was not totally shot and I’m closer to getting back my build.



I have a lot going on in my life right now but having the total package is important to me. I talk a big game about being a well developed person but I also enjoy the challenge of practicing what I preach.

Two minute warning

By Samson
The weather is starting to get nice, sun's out, birds are chirping... the whole nine.

I'm in the gym six days a week getting right for the summer. My lady just started P90X and is seeing some results already. We're living off of groceries and eating clean.

What are YOU doing to get yourself right? Summer cometh, don't get caught sleeping. Stay focused...

Hitting the snooze button

By Judah

So I wake up in the morning to the sound of my flip phones latest ring-tone set for 6 a.m. Nine times out of ten I will hit the s­nooze button set for 10-minute intervals, and before I know it, it’s 7 a.m. and I'm gonna be late for work. ... Just don't tell my boss. Now if I do this every day for a month, you can imagine how much time I would lose. That's 1 hour a day, 5 days a week, 4 weeks in a month. ... So the grand total is: 20 hours.

That's almost a wasted day of hitting the snooze button that I will never, ever get back. Now picture yourself sitting in a room for 20 hours... Imagine all of the things that can be accomplished within this time period, be it business or leisure related. You can apply this to any facet of life; going to the gym, reading a good book, keeping in contact with loved ones, or just simply getting shit done. We are all guilty of putting things off until the last minute, let alone our oblivious lack of value for time, but what if we actually account for every second of our day?

We as human beings have no relative measurement of time, let alone its existence, so we go throughout our lives just doing what we think needs to be done when we feel like it. Now if one day you woke up and realized the true value of every second of your day, your quality of life would be significantly improved. This new found level of understanding is only dependent on your perception of life, but regardless it will help you do more. If you do more you live more.

I have had a chance to experiment with this philosophy in recent weeks and have found some profound, yet simple results. By managing my own time better, I am able to have a fuller life. Like most, I work a 9 to 5 throughout my work week and have taken advantage of this schedule. After I wake up to a nice cup of coffee I have several options; from working on the physical aspect of my life, such as hitting up Sports & Health for a nice work out session or keeping my mind fluid by reading a book the was recommended to me by a co-worker.

After work I like to keep the sanctuary spotless, look up the latest information pertaining to my career and options, cook, or head back the gym. A personal goal for myself is that I try not to sit down or have my “relax time” until 9 p.m.

Everyone's concept of importance is going to be different, but the purpose of the exercise is to examine your time and do the things you find important.

Getting right for the summer

By Samson
So the groundhog said spring will be here sooner than later. If you’re like me you can already smell the aroma of hot dogs fresh off the grill, only topped by the hint of charcoal flavor. And whether it’s a cookout with your people or a beach trip, nothing washes it down quite like one of those beers you pull from the cooler with a nice cold sweat running down it and that mist that chills your teeth a little bit when you take your first swig.

And if you’re also like me, these thoughts serve another purpose. Sure it’s nice to stay in from the cold weather and dream of better days, but a man who thinks ahead will also use this time as a Two Minute Warning, and take the proper steps to get in shape so that you can enjoy it to the fullest. You don’t have to turn into a linebacker, but you definitely don’t want to stroll the beach looking like Larry Holmes, flabby and sick.

With some attention to detail and discipline you can see some pretty good results in a short amount of time. You’ll want to tweak these suggestions to fit your own goals and circumstances, but a lot of this is universal. I followed these guidelines last year and reaped the benefits on my vacation in Panama. My wife was impressed, family members couldn’t help but notice and I caught eyes from the many Panamanian and Colombian women on the resort. You’re going to want to get on this now instead of playing catch up later.

Workouts

In general I’d advise you to get in five quality workouts per week. You can do six if you’re up to it, but just make sure you give yourself a rest day. Your muscles need it to recuperate and you don’t want to wear your mind out either. When you get burnt out you tend not to stick to something.

Lift heavy weights in the gym, knocking out three to four sets per machine or station that you’re targeting. There are tons of sample workouts you can find with a quick Google search that will accommodate your needs. If you’re working out by yourself you can easily get a great workout in about 40 minutes or so. Make sure you work your legs also. Some people just build their upper body because that’s where all the “pretty” muscles are. A little known fact is that your body pumps out more human growth hormone (HGH) in your legs, so building your lower body will make you bigger all around as long as you’re putting the work in up top also.

Don’t neglect your cardio. A lot of guys just want to see how much they can bench press and dead lift and neglect their cardio workouts. Not only is cardio good for your heart (duh) and endurance, it also helps you trim the fat so those abs and cuts can show. If you want to look like a bouncer, that’s cool, but as far as beach bodies go, definition is just as important if not more important than bulk.

Find something fun to do on your cardio days. I haven’t played organized sports in a few years, so a boxing workout to me is more fulfilling than working a treadmill for 30 minutes. Racquetball is one of the best types of cardio that you can do. I have a few gigs of video workouts saved on my PS3 hard drive so that I can get my cardio in from home if I can’t make it to the gym or just don’t feel like leaving the house.

Nutrition

Remember this: working out without eating right doesn’t make a bit of difference. Get in the habit of stocking up on groceries instead of running to fast food. Yes, eating out is convenient, but preparing and eating your own food is healthier and a lot more cost efficient.

Your goal is to build muscle and cut fat. To do this, you’ll want to regularly eat plenty of meats; lean beef, chicken breast, fish and a lean steak cut are excellent high protein low fat meats. If you have a Foreman grill you can get in the habit of preparing these meats with ease. Feel free to eat plenty of eggs also, as they’re another great protein source. If you’re a bacon eater, switch to turkey bacon instead or pork. It’s a lot lighter and low in fat, while still providing a ton of protein.

Mix in some leafy green vegetables bought fresh, and any other kinds that you prefer. I found that the frozen steamers selection of vegetables allows me to get my proper servings of veggies at a fraction of the preparation time. You simply pop the bag in the microwave until they’re finished and you’re good to go.

Avoid sugars and processed foods. Foods processed with high fructose corn syrup not only cause you to put on fat and gain weight, they make you lethargic and crave more junk. Fructose can only be stored as fat. When you eat these foods, you also get an insulin spike, which increases hunger. So basically, when you grab that Whopper with cheese, you know it’s going to store more fat than it will provide nutrients, and the insulin spike will only make you hungry again in an hour. This hunger will make you eat more, on top of the food you just ate, which will only be stored as fat (remember that fructose?). It’s a vicious cycle.

This is especially important at breakfast. Too many supposedly healthy cereals (think Special K) are really no better for you than your typical brand. They’re packed with sugar and high fructose corn syrup, while providing a low amount of protein and fiber. When you browse the cereal aisle, think high protein and fiber and low sugar. This will keep you full longer, help build muscle and won’t pack on fat via sugar. There are plenty of whole grain options in the breakfast aisle that fit the bill.

Stick to plenty of water and diet green tea instead of soda and juice. Yes, juice has fruit, which is obviously good for you, but it’s packed with about as much sugar as a soda. Grab a Diet V8 splash for your fruit juice fix. For breads, cut out white bread and go for wheat. My personal favorite brand is Nature’s Own Honey Wheat. It’s more flavorful than your typical wheat bread and still healthy.

Definitely reduce your alcohol intake. We all like to have a drink or two, but alcohol is all calories without the nutrients. If you just have to have a drink, try to significantly reduce it so that it’s more of an occasion than norm. Cutting out sugars and alcohol will get you noticeable results quickly.

Supplements

The most important supplement you’ll need to take is protein. On your grocery trips, be sure you grab a big tub of whey protein. I use a type that packs 52 grams every two scoops. Taking protein with breakfast, directly after workouts and before you go to sleep will go a long way to help you get the protein you need for your health and to maintain the muscle you put on from your workouts. The rule of thumb is to get 1 gram of protein per pound of body weight.

Let’s say you weigh 180 and use the protein I described above. That’d be one scoop with breakfast (26g) two scoops after your workout (52g) and another scoop before bed (26g). That’s 104g of protein without even taking into account the protein you got from food during the day. With food you’ll effortlessly get the amount you need.

I also suggest investing in a bottle or two of Fish Oil caplets. Fish Oil contains Omega 3 fatty acids, which helps facilitate testosterone production, among many other healthy benefits. Throw this in with a men’s multivitamin and you should be good to go.

The key to this whole process is a positive state of mind. Have a goal and stick to it. For instance, me and my lady are going to the Dominican Republic in May, so I want to see some significant progress by then. If you set a goal for yourself you have more of a measuring rod for whether you’re slacking or not. At the end of the day, ain’t nothing to it but to do it. The last thing in the world you want is to want to look better, procrastinate or BS it, and by the time summer rolls around you’re kicking yourself. If this is something you know you want to do, put in the work and get it done.