Nervous is creepy

By Samson

What if I told you being nervous around a woman can give her the same creepy feeling she'd get from a child molester?

I was reading some material from an author by the name of CR James, and he made this comparison in one of these reports. To paraphrase, if you approach a woman scared or unsure of yourself, you may as well be a creepy guy in a trenchcoat trying to ask her out. And I don't mean this in some exaggerated, "drive the point home kind of way," I'm serious.

CR James fleshed this comparison out really well, and I couldn't disagree one bit. I can look back over my life and remember specific instances where I KNEW she was into me... I just KNEW it. But my approach was timid or nervous, so I didn't get the result I wanted. Heck, even as a married man, if my wife is in the mood and I make a half-hearted, tentative pass at her, there's a good chance she'll be "tired" or "have a headache" that night.

The science behind this is simple. Think about it. If you were in the park and had to point to a guy and say, "Wow, THAT guy's a child molester," what traits would he likely possess?

He'd appear skittish and nervous, friendly, soft spoken and not physically overbearing. I always picture a nervous guy looking back and forth and offering a kid candy (not that I daydream about stuff like this).

OK, now let's take a look at you a "nice guy" trying to make a pass at a woman while unsure of himself.

He's nervous, skittish, friendly, soft spoken, and not physically overbearing. Nine times out of ten, he hovers around his "target" afraid to make his intentions clear, but hoping his friendliness and non threatening demeanor will win her over. Sound familiar? If not, let me put it this way... "Want some candy?"

Now clearly, I'm not saying that if you make the mistake of approaching a woman this way, you'll be looked at and treated like a molester. In her mind, she'll know you're just a nervous guy who is tripping all over herself. But in that deep, scary, subconcious place where the power female psyche lies, her spider sense is tingling and telling her to get the hell out of this situation ASAP.

Don't be a jerk, don't club her over the head and drag her away. But before you make any type of approach, make sure you're centered in some sort of confidence, because the vibes of a nervous man may be more counter productive than you would have imagined.

Don't Get too close Man

By Judah

One of my rituals on Thursday nights is to hit up Wawa around 1 a.m.  It’s never really planned, but something that just happens. They got some banging subs and it just so happens I don’t realize this until Thursday rolls through.  

So one particular Thursday night, I print out the receipt of my custom made sub, grab my vitamin water (It’s 50) and go in line to pay for my late night cravings. It just so happens that I stand behind a girl and her boyfriend on the other side of her.

I’m a guy. I noticed the chick when I was customizing my sandwich 20 feet away.  Before I even got to the line I determined she was OK, but nobody worthy of me going for the W, at least not at 1 a.m.  She was wearing booty shorts and a tank top.  Now from a far angle she looked good--but we haven't gotten to her face yet.  Lets just say in judging the whole package, she was average.

Her boyfriend noticed that there is a man behind her and takes the initiative to get between us.  Now I’m cool with this because I realize this man has control and insecurity issues based upon his body movements.  He felt like he has to protect what is his. I understand and respect that, but as I stated before, the majority of what he does NOT say speaks the loudest. Women do not want men who cling.  An air of confidence goes a long way.  

This is where he failed miserably. The guy does get in between me and his lady but closer to me than her, which caused me to react.  

I am not a big fan of people or strangers that push the personal boundaries of space.  Unless you are a lady and I’m giving you signs of “act right” there is no gray area. I like my personal space.

So I was forced to check him in a sense.  After he was done moving and altering his position, I excepted him to give me eye contact before he started talking to his lady again--and he did.

I looked him square in his eyes and said, “ You good man.”.

Now I didn't say this with a smile on my face or with a humble bone in my body.  I said this with intent not only to intimidate, but to let him know I needed my space and he was doing a bitch move. This wasn't a little dude either.  It is quite possible that this display of ego would have ended up in us scraping.  It’s unlikely, but these things happen all the time.  

The guy gave me a look of confusion at first but when he took two steps closer to his girl he realized he was too damn close to me.  At 1 in the morning, he should be comfortable with the status of his lady, and that has nothing to do with her and more to do with him internally.  Also, when you attempt to prove dominance to a total stranger it may not work out so well when you’re emotionally involved. ... especially at 1 a.m.

Power suit, Power Tie, Power Steering

By Judah

Communication is more than just the words that come out of your mouth on a daily basis. The things we don’t say often speak louder than the things we do say, whether it be a jester, posture, and one’s overall look. Appearance is just as, if not more important than the things we say.

Clothing

Whether you’re at a club, work, church, or the gym; how you dress says a lot about how you will be judged and perceived. Yes…we all have to come to the realization the people are judgmental and that is the world we live in. You can attempt to fight the system but at the end of the day there is no way around not playing the game.

When you’re at work, what you wear will to a point account for the respect that you will get. When you go to a club, depending upon what is considered fashionable, you will be judged on how fly or how lame you look. Even at church; we would all hope that we are not judged, but if you come to the alter wearing some holes in your jeans, people are going to have their own thoughts and opinions about it. It’s a fact of life. Lastly, the gym; people may not want to admit it, but the gym is used to at some degree show off that body. It is the vainest place imaginable.

Grooming

Every culture has a different belief on what a groomed man should look like but are talking about the average everyday American with this example. Facial hair is not an issue, but if you’re going to grow it out keep it tight by shaping it up. Wearing the Officer Ricky at a job interview will not pan out well, I’m sure. Keep the breath fresh by daily attention to detail of your mouth and gums. Also fellas, this may hurt a bit but you have to know when it’s time for the MJ. If you can’t line it up it’s time for a straight razor.

Physical Traits

Posture is so important in business, as well as socially. If you’re in a board meeting, slouching will give off a lack of respect for the meeting and yourself! If you are on a date, having poor posture affects how the object of your affection may perceive you. Hanging your head down and having lack of eye contact gives off an air of insecurities. Wearing your heart on your sleeve is also not what’s up. Have an air of mystery. [See: Friend Zone]

Body Image

We all have had our times in life from which we know it’s time to hit the gym. It’s a known fact that the most attractive people in the corporate world move up the fastest. Good looking people get promoted. This can be debated but not ignored. But even if that’s not a motivation, keeping your body tight will help you mentally, physically, and spiritually. Trust.

How you look to the outside world has a huge effect of how you come across, how you’re judged and if you’re respected. It’s an important part of our everyday life that is often rejected.