Old cat or new tricks?

By Samson

A sexuality counseler and New York Times bestselling author breaks down the benefits of "comfort sex" or sex in a monogamous relationship. I've had plenty of conversations and know the pros and cons of being monogamous vs. "new pussy." I think the author does a great job of explaining why it's best in most cases to work on your chemistry with one woman:

CNN - The Joy of Comfort Sex

Nervous is creepy

By Samson

What if I told you being nervous around a woman can give her the same creepy feeling she'd get from a child molester?

I was reading some material from an author by the name of CR James, and he made this comparison in one of these reports. To paraphrase, if you approach a woman scared or unsure of yourself, you may as well be a creepy guy in a trenchcoat trying to ask her out. And I don't mean this in some exaggerated, "drive the point home kind of way," I'm serious.

CR James fleshed this comparison out really well, and I couldn't disagree one bit. I can look back over my life and remember specific instances where I KNEW she was into me... I just KNEW it. But my approach was timid or nervous, so I didn't get the result I wanted. Heck, even as a married man, if my wife is in the mood and I make a half-hearted, tentative pass at her, there's a good chance she'll be "tired" or "have a headache" that night.

The science behind this is simple. Think about it. If you were in the park and had to point to a guy and say, "Wow, THAT guy's a child molester," what traits would he likely possess?

He'd appear skittish and nervous, friendly, soft spoken and not physically overbearing. I always picture a nervous guy looking back and forth and offering a kid candy (not that I daydream about stuff like this).

OK, now let's take a look at you a "nice guy" trying to make a pass at a woman while unsure of himself.

He's nervous, skittish, friendly, soft spoken, and not physically overbearing. Nine times out of ten, he hovers around his "target" afraid to make his intentions clear, but hoping his friendliness and non threatening demeanor will win her over. Sound familiar? If not, let me put it this way... "Want some candy?"

Now clearly, I'm not saying that if you make the mistake of approaching a woman this way, you'll be looked at and treated like a molester. In her mind, she'll know you're just a nervous guy who is tripping all over herself. But in that deep, scary, subconcious place where the power female psyche lies, her spider sense is tingling and telling her to get the hell out of this situation ASAP.

Don't be a jerk, don't club her over the head and drag her away. But before you make any type of approach, make sure you're centered in some sort of confidence, because the vibes of a nervous man may be more counter productive than you would have imagined.

When doing everything right is wrong

By Samson

Remember that little bit about animal instincts?

I'm catching on the critically acclaimed FX sitcom "Louie" and caught this great episode toward the end of the first season. It's yet another example that doing the "right thing" and being politically correct is great for society, but does nothing for sexual attraction between men and women. I'll let you watch this clip for yourself.

Louie - "Bully"

A "Keep it fresh" tip

By Samson

Do something different. Seriously, such a small step goes a long way. I'm not even just talking romantic or sexual. Sometimes in relationships, especially when you're married or living together, you get comfortable and everything becomes "business as usual."

This is counterproductive to generating lust because women crave excitement. The longer you've been together, the more she's used to your catch phrases, jokes, responses to certain situations and overall demanor. Why not mix it up a little? If you want to reach new levels you can't be afraid to branch out of your comfort zone. It's like a video game. You get to a certain point where you're conquering and life is good. After a while, you face new challenges and your powers because useless against your new challenges.

So what do you do? Find new weapons and armor, new abilities and new tricks to get past your obstacles. In this case, your obstacle is a bored wife. If your caveman joke followed my a slap on the butt worked two years ago, it's probably not going to hold the test of time forever. In fact, she might be so sick of it that it's now become a turnoff. 


You need to treat yourself like a comedian. You know your audience (your wife), so start trying new material to see what sticks. It doesn't have to be anything incredibly elaborate.

If your response to "Hey, how's your day going?" is always "Fine," change that. If you're always on the couch watching ESPN when she gets home, change that. DVR the show and be gone when she gets home (gym, jogging, bar, library, wherever). When she shoots you a text, don't respond. Just show up at home an hour or two later than usual (don't overdo it and create a reason for her to be worried), and walk in the house smiling like nothing happened. If nothing else, you've just created a new topic to be discussed.

The bottom line is, you need to adapt once your woman has figured you out. And she WILL figure you out if she hasn't already. The chase of figuring out your new order of operations can be exciting and intriguing, which fires off those "he's not boring" receptors in her brain, which allows her to remain excited and open.

Not long ago, my wife said something that was innocent but could be turned sexual if your mind is in the gutter. I could have responded with one of my typical jokes or a lame "That's what she said!" but that'd be predictable. I don't remember what my response was, but it was CREATIVE and flirty. Her big smile said it all. She even took it a step further and encouraged me to fire off responses like that more often. Why? Because it was a break from the norm and excited her. +PQ indeed.

Try some stuff out and don't get your feelings hurt if things don't work. If you try a joke and get mad at her for not responding the way you want then you've just negated any PQ that you would have gained anyway. Take responsibility for keeping things fresh in your relationship. If you lead, she'll follow.

Mood Music Moment: Take Off Your Cool

By Judah

This week’s Mood Music Moment is by Andre 3000 and Norah Jones. Take off your Cool is a very simple yet poignant song. Filled with long breaks and guitar solo’s.

Side Note: I am really thinking about taking guitar lessons. I am a real big fan of musicians and I think it would be dope to become one. Make write a little here and there and play it on my guitar.

This song is off the Outkast album: Speakerbox/The Love Below. It’s hard to believe the album came out almost 10 years ago…Time sure does fly.

On a human level the song is about allowing yourself to become vulnerable. At times you put up a wall that will prevent people from getting close to you. Other times you wear a mask to hide your true self. You could be playing the roll of the clown from which you are the funniest guy in the room. Everyone knows you are funny but have no clue who you are. In this case the Andre and Norah are speaking to someone of interest and would like them to drop down their swag a notch and understand who you really are…Enjoy.

[Norah Jones]
Baby, take off your cool
I wanna see you, I wanna see you
Baby, don't be so cool
I wanna see you, I wanna see you

[Andre 3000]
Baby, take off your cool
I want to get to know you
(Take off your cool)

Side Note: Norah Jones is a classic beauty to me. She wears very little make up, simple clothing, not too revealing. Instead of show all of her goodies she leaves some to the imagination…But that’s another blog post.

The emotional man double standard

By Samson

We touched on the most popular double standard between men and women not long ago, but how about when it leans in the woman's favor? Yes ladies, some things do swing your way.

I remember a while ago my wife came upon a bunch of unforseen expenses all at once. Needless to say, it was a stressful time. I knew eventually we'd see our way out of the hole, but it would take some sacrifice and we were going to have go through some bad times before the good showed up.

Now I have a very relaxed demeanor, so my jokes tend to get lost in translation sometimes. This particular time, the joke wasn't caught, nor was it funny... Why? Because I'm a man.

Samson: I don't know what we're going to do... *Said in playful mock sadness/desperation*

Wife: What?! Don't say that!

Samson: Huh?

Wife: *Goes into panic mode and talks about how we have to be positive*

Now this is what I mean. In addition to my day job and side endeavors, my other occupation is full-time husband. A good percentage of my husband duty is to be a shoulder to cry on and ear to complain to, all the while going against my natural instinct and remembering the unwritten rules:

1. Don't fix her problems for her

2. Let her vent without interjecting too much solution oriented conversation

3. Just listen

This set of rules makes zero sense to me, but as a husband (and I'm sure other husbands or long-time boyfriends can vouch), I had to learn that it's the reality of surviving life with a woman. Be the rock without being the fixer. It's not right or wrong, it just is.

On to that double standard part...

So I'm faced with a crisis, and when I "break character" and so much as JOKE about showing my weakness, I'm not allowed. It's not fair, but neither is life. But let's break down what really happened.

She got upset not because I showed weakness (though it was supposed to be a joke...), she got mad because I showed weakness when it was time for me to be the man. All men, women and children have weak moments. But because she perceived me to be having one at that moment, she panicked. You can't have two people freaking out at the same time. She was worried, so when she thought I was just as worried or worst, MORE worried, it scared the Bejeesus out of her. So she "whipped me into shape" and back into my default role.

So the golden double standard rule of the day is that a man is allowed to have weak moments, but not nearly as often as your woman, and not when it counts.

In my relationship, I share feelings, cry and vent when I feel the need, but that ratio has to be about 1 time for every 50 times she does. It's not because I'm trying to "be a man" or play tough, I just naturally don't have those needs as often as she does. Most men are this way.

So while women "aren't allowed" to slut it up and retain the same level of attractiveness, a man isn't allowed to be as emotionally needy (for lack of a better term) as the average woman. Neither of these are fair, but they're reality.

Moment of Clarity

By Judah

As adults, most of us live a very structured life. We work a 40 hour work week, run errands on a daily basis, watch our favorite T.V. shows, and end up living for the weekend. There is nothing wrong with stability and normalcy, but I think it’s good to enjoy the moments.

This weekend I went out with some friends and we ended up going to a hookah bar. I just really had a good time with them. It wasn’t a packed house, filled with eye candy or exciting on any level. I live about 3 hours away from my closer friends so the frequency from which we get up isn’t as often as I would like it to be.

While hanging out with my friends who consist of a former co-worker and his wife, we spent time catching up and talking about what was going on in each other’s lives. We ended up reminiscing on old times, thought patterns, and what we would like to experience with each other throughout the coming months. I have decided to take a select group of friends on a trip late in the summer. The plan is to go to Atlantic City.

During our conversation, another friend stopped by to enjoy the flavored tobacco with us and the night got even better. I have very different sets of friends so the fact that all three were able to engage in a meaningful conversation made me happy. While they hit it off my lady decided to hit me with a text to let me know I was on her mind. It was a good moment.

Later that night, Samson called me to let me know one of our favorite boxers just became the oldest boxer to win a world recognized title. I wasn’t sure if he could pull it off but he did it.

Ambition and success are wonderful things to have but having meaningful relationships are just as important. We were all put on this Earth together and we should make time to have a positive impact on each other’s lives.

Mood Music Moments: War (of Samson's soul...)

By Samson

In light of the whole May 21 "the world is ending!" craze, I thought I'd kick off my first Mood Music entry with a song that is dear to my heart. This album came out when I was a freshman in college, and Judah happened to be my roomate. I remember it was almost winter, so the amazing imagery in the song captured the season, and whatever was going on at that point in your life. Hit play on this song while you read the post, and I'm going to just let my thoughts flow however they come out...

I just happened to be in a relationship with my high school sweetheart who was going to the same college (See Do or Die: Holding onto Your Mojo). We had our ups and downs, but as far as I can remember we were in a good place when this came out. In a way, the "feel good" yet melancholy nature of the song brings back the emotions I felt about the relationship in those days. Our good times were GREAT, but it was almost like the calm before the storm, because in the backdrop we both knew we were at a new place in life and changing, and perhaps things were leading up to their inevitable end. But in that moment, with all the BS going on, I was happy. If hell comes crashing at my door later on so be it, but for now I'm feeling alright.

"I got a blunt for my chronic, a juice for my tonic, I know now that I'm feeling right if it goes down..."

"And I know it's not my time to go now... Cause God's got my back in this showdown, so I know we'll be alright."

Not condoning getting lit to solve your problems, but I can dig the sentiment. It's cold outside and people are going crazy, but I'm not worried about that right now... I'm feeling good. And no matter what, I know whatever turmoil that is bound to come will only make me stronger and I'll get through it.

"Caught a glimpse of myself in the Barney's shop window, kinda see my father's features creeping in a little."

Nas always takes time out his verses to add some stream of conciousness type thought or imagery. I do this all the time, because the older I get, the more I look like my father. And at the point of my life when this came out, I was coming of age, so I realized I wasn't a boy anymore. I began to look like a man, act like a man and deal with adult problems and situations. And it was time for me to learn HOW to deal with them.

"There's a war in the streets tonight, and all this drama's got me feeling uptight. I don't know what I'll do if I don't see my boo 'cause she's standing, on the corner of Linden Boulevard... Holding our baby in her arms, so hold on your daddy's in sight."

No matter what stress life's changes brought me, I still in the back of my head envisioned a future in the relationship. Yes, kids and all. Perhaps I was thinking heavier than a young man should have been at that time, but putting this song on gave me glimpses into what I hoped would be a beautiful future.

But at the same time...

"Planned to be a strong black family, but we were too young, too strung, too much flashin'"

"Nothin but the worst type, worst night, when we brought my baby home the first night, cursed like sailors..."

"Regret the sex but not Desi [His daughter]"

Perhaps things were going too fast so we were bound to spin out of control. Because I vividly remember relating to the first part of the verse about how cool it'd be to see her holding our kid and being happy, but at the same time the above lyrics struck a chord with me also. I could picture us having some spats and having a baby in the mix to further complicate things. That tends to happen a lot of times when relationships begin to go at warp speed in a direction toward change or a possible end, that mix of emotion and uncertainty tends to result in "Let's figure things out" sex, or an attempt to reconnect and see if something is still there. And in the process, baby's get made. So though the parents couldn't figure out how to keep it together, a kid is brought into the world. And a man/woman coming of age together mixed with good and bad, arguments and make up sex, hormones and fear, ambition and uncertainty can be a potent cocktail. I'm just thankful I never had to experience that because kids deserve to have parents that already have their stuff together.

All in all, for me this is one of those songs that take me back and create a definite mood. I'll be 60 years old one day, and if this song comes on it'll give me a mellow vibe, some happy thoughts and deep thought. And though it takes me back, as time goes on the song will take on different meanings and give me different thoughts, which it already has.

And above all...

"I've grown up and thankful for lessons God gave me."

Samson's muy excellente trip review (Dominican Republic)

By Samson

It's a big world out there people. This last trip to the Dominican Republic was my second visit to the beautiful country, and one of many out of the United States. So far, I've been to Mexico, Bahamas, Bermuda, Dominican Republic, Panama and Grand Cayman Islands. Haven't ventured out of this hemisphere yet, but with each and every trip I return home inspired and with a different perspective of the world.

This was a trip with me and my lady, which served as an early anniversary (it'll be later this month) and a bit of a break for both of us. I'm burnt out by work and she had a week off before summer classes commence, that was this week. So this was a much needed trip out of the country for both of us. I'm only 25, so most of the afformentioned vacations above took place with family. That's cool, but traveling with my wife is an ENTIRELY different experience. She truly is my best friend, not in the mushy, metrosexual, "Let's eat ice cream together and help you deal with those cramps" kind of way. I mean in the sense that she's my road dog, through and through. We go into these trips with the same state of mind; Easy to please, make the most out of every experience, treat people well and live it to the fullest. And the same goals; Party, try great food, bond, RELAX, have some sweet sexy loving, knock back a few and have fluid conversation that we wouldn't have on American soil for whatever reason, and which will inevitably change our lives. Word.

So to give you the lay of the land, we stayed in Puerto Plata, which is less touristy than the city of Punta Cana, but still gets a good amount of visitors every year. Our resort was all-inclusive, meaning all the food, drinks, entertainment and pool, party and beach time have already been paid for. As soon as we step off the plane in the DR, the heat bares down and lets us know we're not in the states anymore. Hot and humid equals wonderful in my book, so I make a mental note to get plenty of Vitamin C via Senior Sunshine in the week we're here.

And the second we roll our bags out of the baggage claim area, we also learn where we're at; a country that's impoverished and relies heavily on the Canadians, Americans, Europeans and more well off Latin Americans that vacation here. We were greeted by about 50 people with signs offering taxi rides to the resort. I quickly shake hands with a guy that spotted me, told him where I needed to go and he directed us to our driver, an attractive, brown-skinned Dominican woman, maybe my age or a couple years older who obviously didn't speak English, hence the reason her partner was the mouthpiece leading us to her. I chat with the guy for a bit while he loads my bags and he assures me Puerto Plata is much better than Punta Cana (I told him I had been to Punta Cana on my last DR trip). Not shy, after he finished loading my bags he said "You have a tip for me my friend?" Not a problem, I slipped him a dollar, which was the equivalent of a little under 50 Dominican pesos.

After that we were off. We didn't make conversation with our cab driver, since as I said, she was either really quiet or not comfortable speaking English. Now during this 15-20 minute ride to the resort, we got to see the REAL DR, with a lot of people walking or riding scooters, some broken down houses and a whole lot of vendors selling items alongside the road. It wasn't Survivor, but the average American would have to give up a lot of comforts to live here.

Once we got to the resort, it was clear that resorts like these employ a lot of Dominicans. Those with the best English got jobs at the front desk or as waiters or entertainment. I had a moment early on that reinforced my desire to learn another language (I'm starting with French but plan to make Spanish my third). We had a guy handle our bags for us and help take them to our room, which was on the third floor. The guy who was helping us didn't seem to speak any English, and when he got our bags to the door he reached his hand out. Already used to being hit up for tips, I handed him a dollar. That would have been great, except he was asking for the room key...

Add this to the list of reasons I'm going hard with my language learning. I love to travel. And there's no reason I shouldn't be able to speak the language of the people when I travel to avoid these types of mixups. I don't know if the guy thought anything of it, but for all I know he could have taken it as an insult. I'm sure plenty of people come in throwing their dollars and treating the "help" like less than the dignified men and women that they are, and that's just not my style.

I'd go into detail about the trip, but on a day to day basis we more or less did the same thing. Wake up whenever we feel like it, go to breakfast (great omelettes), hit the pool or beach, go to lunch, hit the pool or beach, knock back some drinks and hang out til dinner time, eat dinner at one of the A La Carte restaurants, knock back more drinks, hit the nightly entertainment, etc.

On some of these days we'd kick it with fellow vacationers and compete in fun little relay games and pool/beach volleyball. On others we'd venture off the resort for a little to explore what it was like in the surrounding area.

As a whole, I came away with some key points on the trip that I thought I'd share to put things into perspective.

1) I love my wife. I talk about a lot of the differences between men and women on this blog, but those differences should be embraced for the simple fact that they attract us to each other. I'm a good man so I deserve a good woman, and I have that. We have our bumps in the road like any couple, but the more I want to branch out and improve my life the more I realize that it's only possible if you have someone like-minded to help inspire you to be better. I love to travel and experience new things, so if I was with someone that wanted to keep her world closed and stick with what she knows within the confines of her comfort zone, we'd have problems... BIG problems. It really makes life easier to have somebody that fits you.

2) I'm secure with myself and my relationship. And let me tell you, with this trip I HAD to be. On our second night, she was chosen to enter this competition called Ms. Puerto Plata 2011. It was all fun and games, but a less secure man may have had problems. During one of the portions, the contestants had to do a couple of playful, sensual, strut/dance moves to slow music and then tell their name and where they're from in their native language. Well, my wife happened to be wearing a dress that hugged her figure, and she's 98% hips and butt. So while the game was playful and her moves were PG, she got like a million whistles and catcalls. Oh, and she eventually won the competition, lol.

Also, she got hit on a lot throughout the week, both in Spanish and English, lol. Nothing vulgar or disrepectful, but a lot of Dominican "freshness" if you will. I can't count the number of times she'd come back after getting us a drink or a towel or whatever, and would have a story of how she had just gotten hit on. A lot of it I saw with my own eyes. I took comfort in not giving a !@$%@. I know that 20-year-old Samson would have ripped his shirt off and confronted the dude, or gotten the crazy/deranged face and asked her for the play-by-play on how she was flirted with and whether the dude knew I was with her or not. Please. I'm at a comfort level now both with myself and my relationship that I just laugh. And lord knows I get my share of looks and flirts, so who am I to go ballistic if she gets her share (as long as no lines are crossed of course). And besides, if my wife was looking sexy for a week with new outfits, a fresh hair-do and eyebrows arched and NOBODY hit on her or noticed, I'd probably feel a lot worse. Nobody wants to be with the chick that no one else finds attractive.

3) Travel is essential. I've been out of the country my fair share but haven't done nearly as much travel as I'd like. I really want to hit Europe and South America, and plan to do so very soon. I honestly feel that God put us here not to stay in our little box, but to branch out and experience everything that he created. Not to get too deep, but we were given dominion over this earth, so I feel that it's our duty to mingle and experience each other's cultures. We live in the age where travel is as easy as it's ever been, so really, what's stopping ANYONE from going to the post office, grabbing a passport and seeing what the world has to offer. I'm still entry level in my career, so I'm not making a fortune just yet, but if I can set aside money and make these kinds of trips happen anyone can. Travel is a big part of the reason I'm planning to start my own business. I feel like it's an important part of life and I shouldn't have to ask my boss for time off to do it.

4) Each country has its own set of race/class inequality problems. I know we often live in our American bubble and think that Black/White is the end all be all in global race issues. In the Dominican, everyone had African or Afro-Latin roots, so the dynamic was a bit different. You couldn't notice it on the resort, but when we ventured off the resort it was clear that even in an impoverished country, superiority complexes were prevalent that held another class back. Many of the beggars in the street had the more clear African features, and our tour guide pointed out that some were Hatian. He said it disgusts him how people in the country treat their own. Now that's not to say that the more Latin looking people weren't begging also, but I can't say that I saw anybody who was clearly Hatian or dark skinned running any of the shops.

5) The immersion of cultures is very interesting. I basically spent time in a country where the people spoke Spanish, had African and Spanish features, spoke English as a means to attain power, valued the American dollar, and performed heavily Latin influenced dance moves. It's amazing how different this country might look if those slave ships had veered somewhere else. My wife and I noticed how unique this blend of culture was when we saw a waitress that had the most beautiful dark skin that was black as oil and had the hips of a black woman, but was dressed in an outfit that for lack of a better comparison looked like a matador uniform. That all came down to where her ancestors ended up. Like I said, if that ship had veered a little to the North she'd probably look and act just like us, instead, she's assimilated with the culture that is dominant where she lives.

All in all it was a great trip. We had an excellent time and I think it helped our peace of mind, life experience and relationship in every way imaginable. I'm already looking forward to the next one.

There is no Heaven

By Judah

Stephen Hawking is probably one of the most book smart individuals to ever step foot on this Earth. He has expanded many times over on the ideas of gravity, time-space, space-time, string theory, the big bang and universal expansion. As a fellow science geek I salute him!

But in reading a recent article about his idea that there is no God and no heaven I felt a sense of sympathy for him…maybe with a dash of sadness. I am a very religious person in the sense that I believe without a shadow of a doubt that there is a God. We can debate all day about the features of God but on a very basic level I believe he exists and created the universe. I personally believe things like gravity, time, water, the elements, life, death, evolution, learning, failing, succeeding, laughter, and everything in between are signs of God. My beliefs go way deeper than the given example but I listed them for context.

The article:

http://cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/05/16/6654463-hawking-there-is-no-heaven?GT1=43001

Basically in the article above Hawking suggest that there is no God and as a result there is no heaven. I believe this is a morbid thought. In his reasoning he believes people made up God as comfort to make life easier and the thought of going to a better place after death reduces fear.

He has had a hard life. He was diagnosed with an illness early in life and has been knocking on death’s door ever since. So for him to live in a shell his whole life I can understand why he sees things in black and white. As a rational man I can respect that.

Check out the article when you get a chance and look up some of his work. He has some very profound ideas about life and the universe as a whole. My only issue is that we live in a near perfect existence, from the smallest atom to the largest galaxies. I believe we were put on this Earth to live and enjoy the human experience. In my opinion, we all have a soul, and I’d like to think it is one the thing that can last forever. I don’t know the details of the afterlife so much…but I hope it’s pleasant and it is an environment that will allow me to grow and continue my journey…I guess it takes a little bit of faith.

I'm Back

By Samson

Judah was gracious enough to run the blog in my absence. I'm back from a week of fun in the Dominican sun with my lady. My batteries are recharged and I plan to have some great stuff for you guys in a bit.

-Sam

Sexual Partners: The Numbers Game

By Judah
I was hanging out with a friend over the weekend and we ended up at a bar as we usually do. While under the influence we talk about a variety of topics but this time it was gear towards women. Nothing can compare to a woman in a man’s world. At the end of the day it all comes down to women. From their hair, lips, shape, bust, waste, thighs, legs, and eyes. Man was made in the image of God, but woman were made in the image of man’s desires.

Anyways, as we were talking the subject of sexual partners came up and it was an intriguing conversation. Such a great dialogue, even my favorite bartender Victoria had to enlighten us with her two cents..lol ( All puns intended)

I think the average person has their first sexual encounter around the age of 17-20. Some of us start a little early around the age of 15 and some of us start a little later around the age of 25. This post is for those to started in the medium which is about 17.

The debate we had at the bar under countless shots of liquor consisted of the following questions:


How many sexual partners is a conservative number and how many is too much for a woman to have?

Would you be cool if the woman you are seeing told you see was involved with a train or 3some?


These are some pretty interesting questions to say the least. I personally think it has to do more with age. If I am talking to a 40 year old woman and she throws a number like 50 at me, I can’t be too shocked or turned off. So let’s say she starts at 20 years of age and she has two a year. That is about 40 partners plus 10 which is totally understandable. She dated or felt compelled to trip and fall on 2 dicks per year. Now if I am dating a 30 year old woman and she throws out the same number with the same stats I can make the same argument. Instead of 2 per year she tripped on 5 per year. It’s very subjective...you have to be comfortable with the results and be secure within your own manhood.

Don’t ask the questions you do not want the answers to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Side Note: Women are human being just like men...Stop putting Pussy on a Pedestal. Women have wants and desire just like men..The only difference is that men are more likely to act of them and it’s hypocritical to frown on a woman who acts on her desires.

Now we get to the train...I think the issue gets a little more black and white when it comes to a 3some. If a girl had a fantasy from which she wanted to double dick clutch and she lived it out, I think it is cool. I prefer not to have a woman like that but like I said before they are human too.
Now multiple double dick clutching on a casual basis is a no go...That is hoe status.

Definition of a Hoe:

Jumps on multiple dicks on a normal fluid basis with a dash of gold digger all rolled up in one.


Personally I think all of this is subjective but I think the easiest way to look for a solution is to look within yourself. I had a great time in college and I met a number of woman. I know that I wouldn’t want a woman of serious interest to pick apart my dating history or judge me based on what I did in my past. It is good to understand a person’s history but people can change and that is what is great about life. Besides.....if your woman has a big number look at it as practice and know that her technique and experience will be all yours. I think men try to find a balance between a good girl and a bad girl...The whole lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets ideal.

Mood Music Moments: King of R&B!

By Judah
Anyone who really knows me will tell you how much I love New Jack Swing, Bobby Brown, Bell Biv Devo, New Edition, Another Bad Creation, Boyz II Men (before they went soft) and the movement as a whole. New Edition was Wu-Tang or Dip Set before having a crew was even thought of. Every member of New Edition or it’s affiliates all found success. Just to make it clear...they were the first artist singing on rap beats way before anyone else. Before there was an Usher, Trey Songz and Chris Breezy.....there was BOBBY BROWN. They all say they were inspired by Michael Jackson but they know in their hearts those pelvic thrust come from Bobby B.

This week’s Mood Music Moment is by Bobby Brown...the king of R&B...lol This is another song written by Babyface. In my honest opinion there are two songwriters that matter in the last 100 years. One is Smokey Robinson and the other is Babyface. Don’t Be Cruel is the title track from his second album again titled Don’t Be Cruel. Enjoy..lol

Deal Breakers

By Judah

Adult relationships are interesting to say the least. For the past few weeks I have been talking to a woman with whom I’m fascinated with. We have a great deal in common and enjoying the possibilities, to keep it mild.

To quote the Love Jones guru Larenz Tate:

"Romance is about the possibility of things. You see it's about the time between when you first meet some fine woman and when you first make love to her. And when you first ask a woman to marry you and when she says I do.”

Side note: If you wanna pick up a few things here and there fellas watch this movie. No Doubt.

During the time you first meet someone, it can be very exciting. Your finishing each other’s sentences, finding limitless topics to discuss and it feels like your hit with a shot of heroin...lol Not that I have tasted heroin but I can understand the feeling.

Anyways, during one of our initial conversations she asked me what are my deal breakers. I had to sit down and think about it. Of course there are things about a woman that I want and things that I would like to stay away from. So I thought I might put together a list of 6 things that are important to me. If the woman of my interest does not have these qualities it would be a no go.

Independence:

I want a woman who has the ability to take care of herself. As a man I believe it is my roll to be the protector and comforter on some level. Although this may be true, when I date a woman I am not looking for a damsel in distress. I am not interested in putting on a cape and playing superman. She was able to survive before we met, she should be able to support herself during and after if applicable. I have a boss at work and she is a very special woman. She is in her early 50’s and she always drops some knowledge on me while we are on lunch break. She said never to date a woman who has not lived on her own. At first, I was like every circumstance is unique and that is a hard line. But as I thought about it...the more it made sense. At my age (25) I should not be involving myself with someone who does not have some level of independence. A quicky is one thing...lol but a relationship is another.

Physical fitness:

I am from the real south...where a woman being 200 plus pounds is normal. I have nothing against a curvey woman. I find it is more about energy and confidence than anything else. There have been some women in my life with a swag so real I was able to overlook a healthy frame. I love women in general. I can get down with a Rihanna or a Jordan Sparks. Riri has a small frame and Jordan is a healthy thick woman. I can appreciate both for different reasons.

Since I moved to northern Va I have been lazy. No if and or buts about it. I gained about 25 pounds since my move. But about a month ago I started working out again and have evened the playing field. I am down 18 pounds. I won’t be stopping at 25 pounds though..I plan on achieving model status before the summer is out. I wasn’t always a health nut, I enjoyed a few jr. bacon cheese burgers back in my day...lol But as I grow into maturity it is important for me to have a mate who also has the desire to be healthy. An activity partner perhaps. I like taking walks, lifting weights, jogging, and am starting to get into yoga. There is no way around it...having a healthy active lifestyle will lead to having a tight body.

Good Hygiene:

This is pretty straight forward and also correlates with physical fitness. When you take care of your body as a temple it will also translate into good hygiene. Unless it is 8 in the morning, or you just ate a sour cream taco, there is no reason not to have fresh or neutral breath. I am a big fan of girly girls. Women who enjoy being a woman. This includes keeping her hair together, nails, cloths, and overall appearance in check. If we are watching movies late at night and you have on a sweat shirt that is cool..but if we are going to a fancy dinner and you have on tom boy ass outfit we aint going to work.

Freaky:

This is a no brainer...lol There is a fine line between having a girl who is sexual and being a slut. A girl who is sexual wants to be sexy for her man and do things to please him as he would her. A slut is promiscuous and enjoys double dick clutching from time to time. But that’s a whole different topic meant for another blog post. Anyways, most men can agree with me that they would like a woman who is open in bed and not a prude. If a woman tells me she doesn’t give head with a straight face...lol I would look at her like she is insane.


Well Read:

I like a worldly woman. Someone who knows something I may not know. I love to learn..and who best to teach me something than the woman I share a bed with. Politics, religion, life, experience, people, places, things, ect. Someone who has lived and enjoys living and learning.



Honesty:

An honest woman goes a long way with me. A woman could tell me the most fucked up thing in the world..but if it is the truth she will have all of my respect.

What's new in Samson's life?

By Samson

I've been a little busy lately, so I thought I'd let you in on a couple of major things that have been going on in the world of Samson.

1) I'm re-learning French. Actually, it'd probably be a little more accurate to say I'm learning French. Yes, I took a good four years of it in middle and high school, but still wouldn't call myself up to par. Like 90 percent of American kids, I took it for what it was, a class. I did my fill in the blank worksheets, took my vocabulary quizzes and came out with A's and B's like everyone else. I'd wager to say that the majority of people who "learn" foreign languages in public schools go about it the same way, and have little to show for it after graduating.

This time around, I'm learning it more naturally, through an immersion method. I learned the ins and outs of this method by following a blog called AJATT (All Japanese all the Time), and applying it to picking up French. Basically, the method consists of replacing your English media with your target language media, and learning a number of sentences consistently by using a free computer flashcard program. So I've been watching French episodes of The Simpsons and South Park, watching French movies, listening to French albums and mixtapes (Found some artists that I REALLY like, La Fouine and Yannick Noah, father of Joakim Noah), and knocking out my sentence reps daily. The purpose of learning sentences and not just words is to learn them in context. The method issues a goal of 10,000 learned sentences, I'm at about 700 so far--I've been at it for a good month now.

The guy who came up with this technique became fluent in Japanese in 18 months. Since I have a French background and already have a decent grasp on the basics and pronunciation, I'm shooting to be fluent in French in a year (and maybe a few months). I plan to take my wife to Paris next year, and will also be taking a Caribbean cruise with my family next summer in which I believe a couple ports of call will be French speaking islands. My goal is to be able to freely have conversations by that point.

I don't know what to compare my progress too, but I think for a month in I'm doing pretty well. I went from what the #!$!@ am I listening to?...To having a few songs basically memorized, and being able to listen to a song for fun and know what is being said without translating things in my head. I stream France Radio and France 24 news nonstop, and am able to follow things by listening. I also started watching Dora L'Exploratice aka Dora the Explorer (Don't laugh, it works!), and have pretty much been immersing myself as much as possible and devouring the language. I went from what the #$!@ am I reading?...To being able to leisurely read French Harry Potter books on my Nook. I even made the jump to a monolingual French dictionary (French words, French definitions) and have zero trouble figuring things out, this way, I'll be THINKING in French... My understanding is a little slower of course, but I'm getting it slowly but surely. Basically, this method boils down to using fun things to help you learn the language. Scratch that, the bottom line of this method is that you don't LEARN a language, you simply get used to it. Hopefully by the time warm weather hits in 2012, I'll be used to French enough to be proud of myself for picking up such a life skill.

2) I'm taking steps toward starting my own business. As it stands right now, I work a 9 to 5 in the field I went to college for. My wife is working on her undergrad degree, and plans to enroll in grad school somewhere next year to start her MBA. Our initial thought process was, we move (definitely looking to move out of state) get jobs, and she'll go to school. That switched to me starting my own business and her finding work and going to school. NOW, for a few reasons, the gameplan is for me to take this year to get my business off the ground, and after we move let the wife not work, and just focus on her Master's. The prospect of this excites me for a few reasons.

For one, it's always been a goal of mine to be my own boss. I work in a field that take certain skills that I'm finding more and more that not everyone possesses. So if I have a gift or skill that not everyone else does, why shouldn't I be profiting from my own talents as opposed to my company reaping the benefits? As it stands now (I do love my job by the way, but...) I work the hours I'm told, receive the wages they tell me I can earn, and have to ask for time off to do what I want with my own time. What part of the game is that?

By going into business for myself (it'd be basically freelance/contracting work), I'd be working from home (or anywhere with an internet connection), and have the power to succeed or fail as much as I want. That's scary, but that's also freedom. Those vacations to Paris and the Caribbean I mentioned earlier? I wouldn't have to ask anybody for time off, because I AM the business. Now the idea of my wife not working was actually my idea also. I told her my goal for how much I'd like to be earning within two years of running my own business. Her response was "Wow, if you were able to make that much I'd quit work and just focus on grad school." She was joking, but I got to thinking, why not?

The goal I gave her was just that, a goal. At the same time, if I earned a good $20,000 less than that goal, we'd still be more than good as far as living expenses and living comfortably go. As it stands now, we both work like crazy and she goes to school, so our schedules don't really match up enough for us to take trips together. I often make the trip alone whenever I take off for the weekend to visit family. With the type of work I'm planning on doing, if it works out, I can take the work WITH me whenever I want to head out of town for a while. And since she only has grad school to worry about and not work, she'll be more likely to be able to travel with me. It's crazy to think of the possibility of heading out of town for a week but still making the same wages. Or if I choose not to work, then so be it. That's my decision and my consequences. I'm still young, but I'm beginning to value my time more and more. By taking my future into my own hands, I control my time and destiny.

I grabbed a beer with one of my old co-workers this past weekend. We worked for the same company, but about four months ago he set out to do exactly what I plan to. He works for himself now. He's been in the know on my plans for a while, as it's something we discussed before he left the company. His thoughts on it now? "Dude, do it. It's the best thing I ever did." Since there is no cap on his dollars, he's making more money, his time is his time, and he can choose NOT to work with a-hole clients, which is definitely a luxury I don't have now. Nuff said.

I'm going at this thing full force and already have a potential client I'm in talks with (fingers crossed). If I continue to do the side work I've been doing for the last 6 or 7 months, and throw in a good 4 or 5 reliable clients or more... Look out. Self reliance has been a dream of mine, so now that I have a reason to do it, I'm about to make it happen.

This type of pressure is the true test of a man's mettle. I could crumble and say, "B-b-but, it's scary! I'm used to a consistent paycheck. Why rock the boat?" I'm the exact opposite. That fear excites me, almost to the point of arousal (TMI?). It's as if life is throwing me a challenge, and I respond by grabbing my nuts and asking "Do you know who I am?" Of course, I will be taking all of the necessary precautionary measures.

I plan to have my car note paid in full before we move (It's not scheduled to be finished until 2014) so that there's one less bill to worry about. I plan to have a good 6 or 7 months worth of income stashed away in an interest building savings account for those "Holy sh*t, we're broke!" moments. And when starting a business, there WILL be some "Holy sh*t, we're broke!" moments. And hopefully, my beautiful wife will do it up these last few semesters, land an internship or two and help us out on that end by getting some of that good ol' free education money that they set aside for high achievers. 

And when she starts grad school, the fact that we're allowing her to focus JUST on school also makes that a very real possibility later. And that also means we'll have more "us" time, because when I "clock out", I'll be able to walk into the living room (which is hopefully clean, since she's been home all day!), eat a nice meal (Hopefully she'll have more time to cook, AND we can do the romantic thang and cook dinner together...+PQ!), and then head out on the town and explore the new city we now call home.

It's the stuff dreams are made of. But a man without a plan is not a man, so in the year and change leading up to that I'm using DREAMS as motivation... but I'm taking action baby.

Mood Music Moment: U know whats up

By Judah

We have been a little M.I.A with the blog the last few weeks so I thought I might update you on whats going on in my life and give you some Mood Music while I am at it.

This weeks Mood Music Moment cut is brought to you by Donell Jones from his second album Where I Wanna Be. The song U Know Whats Up is a classic record with vocals by Donell and co-written by Anthony Hamilton. The song is about coming across a female that you are drawn to without question.

I was recently exposed a young lady about a week ago I didn’t expect to meet. Basically I connected with her on a mental level that I haven’t had the pleasure of experiencing in quiet some time.

I have written many a post about the interactions between man and woman. In these post I argue that man and woman can not be friends. I implore readers not to get caught up in being friends with a woman and to make your intentions known. I have abandoned this thought process in this case...lol I’m going to write about this in more detail later but for the moment enjoy the Mood Music.