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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Nervous is creepy

What if I told you being nervous around a woman can give her the same creepy feeling she'd get from a child molester?

I was reading some material from an author by the name of CR James, and he made this comparison in one of these reports. To paraphrase, if you approach a woman scared or unsure of yourself, you may as well be a creepy guy in a trenchcoat trying to ask her out. And I don't mean this in some exaggerated, "drive the point home kind of way," I'm serious.

CR James fleshed this comparison out really well, and I couldn't disagree one bit. I can look back over my life and remember specific instances where I KNEW she was into me... I just KNEW it. But my approach was timid or nervous, so I didn't get the result I wanted. Heck, even as a married man, if my wife is in the mood and I make a half-hearted, tentative pass at her, there's a good chance she'll be "tired" or "have a headache" that night.

The science behind this is simple. Think about it. If you were in the park and had to point to a guy and say, "Wow, THAT guy's a child molester," what traits would he likely possess?

He'd appear skittish and nervous, friendly, soft spoken and not physically overbearing. I always picture a nervous guy looking back and forth and offering a kid candy (not that I daydream about stuff like this).

OK, now let's take a look at you a "nice guy" trying to make a pass at a woman while unsure of himself.

He's nervous, skittish, friendly, soft spoken, and not physically overbearing. Nine times out of ten, he hovers around his "target" afraid to make his intentions clear, but hoping his friendliness and non threatening demeanor will win her over. Sound familiar? If not, let me put it this way... "Want some candy?"

Now clearly, I'm not saying that if you make the mistake of approaching a woman this way, you'll be looked at and treated like a molester. In her mind, she'll know you're just a nervous guy who is tripping all over herself. But in that deep, scary, subconcious place where the power female psyche lies, her spider sense is tingling and telling her to get the hell out of this situation ASAP.

Don't be a jerk, don't club her over the head and drag her away. But before you make any type of approach, make sure you're centered in some sort of confidence, because the vibes of a nervous man may be more counter productive than you would have imagined.


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